If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Since the day they became mine, my children have heard it over and over and over again: be honest, accept responsibility for your actions, and make amends as best as you can, as soon as you can. So, in an effort to practice what I preach, I submit the following:

Dear Daughter,

I am writing to apologize for my horrible, inexcusable transgression against you. It all happened so fast that even at this moment, I'm not quite sure how it began. All I know is that one moment I was standing in the kitchen looking for something to snack on, and then... Oh Dear Lord, please forgive me.. and then... it just happened.

What makes it worse is that you had no opportunity fend off the attack. I can't believe that you have become so trusting as to leave yourself open to such cruel treatment. In the past you have always assumed a defensive position and kept your guard up in such situations. I am so ashamed of the fact that I took advantage of your new-found ability to trust. I just pray that I haven't trashed any chance of you ever trusting me again.

So here I am, with this terrible hurting in the pit of my stomach because of what I did, asking your forgivness. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't forgive me though, because I did the most horrendous thing one woman can do to another:

But hey!, at least I was able to stop myself in time to save part of the bunny's butt and one eyeball. The Whoppers, however, are goners. MMMM MMMM... oh, sorry.


Your bunny munchin' mom.

ps: Next time PLEASE hide the dang stuff like I told you to before you went back to school! xoxoxo

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Prayers Answered with a Miracle!

I wanted to share this update with you all. It's kind of like another Easter miracle. Here is the latest word from Crystal.


Thank you to all of you who sent me letters or kept baby Chris in your thoughts and prayers. Your responses really helped my family during a difficult time.

I have some good news: the initial diagnosis was incorrect. It was NOT in fact Kawasaki disease, but a REALLY bad Sinus-itus infection with mimic-symptoms of Kawasaki. Currently, Chris seems to have his coloring back and is perking up again. No more sick-looking baby! He should be back up to crawling over everything in no time!

Once again, thanks for the quick response of so many of you. My family feels very touched and blessed indeed. Your love and concern for a baby gave us much needed encouragement and strength.

Crystal Thurber


And thank you all from me, too. I wonder if this little guy will ever know how truly blessed he has been to have had people from literally all over the world praying for his recovery. Isn't it wonderful when we get to see prayers answered in such concrete ways.

Love to all!


This is a time for understanding the true nature of unconditional love and selfless sacrifice. May you each have the honor of experiencing these gifts in your life - both as a receiver and a giver.

Peace, Blessings, and Joy to each and every one of you. You make my world better by your presence here.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

PRAYER REQUEST: 10-Month-Old Baby

I received this from a friend of Bug's. Please join me in lifting this baby up in prayer.


Please, please, please, I need all thoughts, prayers, good thoughts, and vibes for my 10-month old nephew, Christopher Michael Collins (Chris). He has been diagnosed with Kawasaki disease (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kawasaki_disease). The basic rundown: symptoms include a several-day fever, red eyes, leading to Pink Eye, leading to Kawasaki. Chris was treated for the other symptoms when they developed, but apparently just one illness lead to another. Basicly, my nephew is at apprx. day 9 of initial onset, and by day 10, babies MUST be treated. If not treated he could develop an aneurysm and die of a heart attack. He has been transported to Fairfax Hospital (Fairfax, VA) where they have specialists who have seen this before. He is currently on an IV drip, and getting treated, but he still could go either way. My mother, a 30-year RN, was so scared we could lose Chris, that she gave him an emergency Baptism (nurses are trained for this in desperate cases.) I apologize that some of you will receive this more than once, but I wanted to be sure that no matter what list or email you check first, you would receive this message. Please, I beg of you, repost this on your live journals, message boards, and email lists. I don't particularly care who you make your prayers to, provided they are for good.

Crystal Thurber,
Knowne in the SCA as Lady Palfi Jozsa


Thank you all for your prayers!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My Visual DNA - an electronic meme

I know. I'm being lazy with all these quick and easy drop in things - but they are fun. I found this one over at The Philosopher-Mom's the other day. She's crazy, by the way. Not in the bad sort of lock her up in a rubber room and hid all sharp pointy things way, but in the, OH MY STARS! How do you do all that and stay out of a rubber room?? way. So it's no wonder that her visual DNA was a leeeeeetle bit skewed.

so it's ok! LOL! She actually wrote a piece in January that helps exlain how she manages so ... ummm... well. If you haven't already, when you have time be sure to pop over there and check out her post on Time Management. It is a hoot!

Anyway - Back to memememe . If you roll your mouse over each little square it will bring that image into the main window and you can read all about why that image fits me. I was actually pretty impressed with the personality profile it came up with for me. You can check out the whole thing by clicking the "Read my visual DNA" link at the bottom.

If you decide to do one, please be sure to let me know so I can come check out what you think is gross, too! LOL!

Have a great day!!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Don't Breathe

For the first time in ages, I'm truly speechless. Mostly because I CAN'T breathe from laughing so hard! HAPPY SATURDAY, ALL!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


I am officially floating on cloud nine! Daughter called and said that she made



I guess I'd better hurry up and introduce her officially so you will all know what a HUGE accomplishment this is. For a quick preview, you can read a little about her here. I do enough preaching and complaining in here that I thought it was about time I did some BRAGGING!

For the first time since October 18, 2007, I am optimistic about the possibility of ever having her home again... and I'm Walkin' on Sunshine!!

Damama's Use it or Lose it Advice on: Nail Salon Safety - No Joking Matter

As a follow-up to yesterday's funny post, I feel it's important to point out that having your nails done is a very dangerous activity. Even the best salons occasionally make mistakes that can have serious consequences for consumers.

If you are one of those who gets manicures and pedicures, with or without having acrylic nails applied, please take a moment to click the links below and watch the videos. ESPECIALLY if you, like me, tend to shop hop, it is important to know what to watch for before allowing anyone to do anything to your feet, hands, or eyebrows.

This first video talks about an illegal acrylic liquid that I'm betting has been used on me. I had no idea there was such a product in use! Birth defects? Kidney cysts?? AACK!!!

This second one is a lengthy, but interesting look at problems that even I've seen at some salons.

And last but definitely not least, a news story out of Beaumont, Texas about dirty salons and the potentially HORRIBLE results they can produce. A MUST WATCH!

Ok, after seeing all that, if you've decided that it's just not worth the risk anymore and want to kick the habit, here's the safe and easy (and relatively not unattractive) way to make the transition.

Yes, you have to endure a couple of months of needing refills. As they grow out, just keep filing the acrylic thinner and thinner, especially where it stops and your natural nail starts (the fill-in zone). As the nails get longer, trim and file them to a shape you like, beveling the thicker acrylic areas so that there's not a blunt edge.

Put a solid coat of a neutral colored polish over the whole nail to camouflage the transition. By the time the nail has grown long enough to cut the overlaid part completely off, you've got your own healthy, undamaged nails back.

That damaged look comes from exposing the part of the nail that the fakes were attached to. With this technique, the damaged part is never exposed. Yes, you have a little bump where the acrylic stops, but that's what the neutral colored polish is for. Unless you point it out, almost nobody is going to notice. And if someone does notice and makes a rude comment, just ask them for a donation to your nail fund! Then use the money to go buy some chocolate. No, that's not deceptive. Chocolate purchased for psychopharmacology purposes is a perfectly legit way to use such contributions!

All jokes aside, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE be a smart consumer. Ask questions, watch actions, and don't be afraid to WALK OUT THE DOOR if ANYTHING doesn't feel right.

Peace, Blessings and Pretty Pinkies to all!

Friday, March 7, 2008

You down for a mani/pedi?

I went to get my toenails sheared yesterday. I trim them up at home as much as possible, but the frontal protrusions (dang boobs!) get in the way so much that I have a hard time really doing a good job of evening them out nicely. So, about once a month or so I toddle off to the local nail salon for a pedicure. This process is absolute TORTURE for me because my feet are so, so very ticklish. They are the only part of my body that is ticklish because when I was about 11 my cousin held me down and tickled me until I LITERALLY PEED MYSELF! (Kathy if you read this, please go punch the big lug for me. Thank you.) At that point I suddenly just stopped laughing and have never been ticklish since. Hmmmm.. I wonder why???

When I was working fulltime I kept my nails done all the time, too. It took me forever to find a manicurist who would do it the way I want it done. They all wanted to cut off my nails and put on tips and then put the acrylic over the fake ones. My own nails are so strong that when I was a computer tech back in the 90s I'd use my thumbnail to turn screws inside the mainframe case when I couldn't get a screwdriver in there. All I wanted the nail tech to do was put on a very thin overlay that would keep them looking nice longer than the couple of days that just polishing them would do. They invariably wanted to heap the goo on so thick that my nails looked like eagle talons! Once, after the 4th round of making her grind off more of thick layer she'd applied after I told her I wanted it very thin, one tech yelled at me, "You make-a me clazy, lady!" I was so mad that said, "Ok, I can fix that problem!" and left without paying her a dime. I still have to go by that place when I go into the UPS store. She's still there and glares at me every time I walk by. There's a nail place in every shopping center in this town, so tough cookies for her!! LOL!

Anyway - back to yesterday. When I sat down, the nail tech said, "You wan spayshul spa pedicure toodaee? It better for you and only 4 dolluh mow." She looked at me like I'd lost my mind when I burst out laughing before agreeing to the extra charge. Right then and there I knew I had to come share this video with y'all.

If you can't get it to load, you can find it here on YouTube.

Have a very Tickly Tuesday!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Meet The Fids: Snidely Whiplash – Naked Fid #1

** Wednesday, December 3, 2008: This is probably cheating, but I just found about Mama's Losin It!!'s weekly Writer's Workshop and I selfishly wanted to get in on it. However, I don't have time to write anything else up today, so I'm dragging this out of the archives. If you've already read it, no problem... just read it again! LOL! I promise next week I will do better. Ok, Enough of my blathering... On with the show!!**


I keep getting emails from people wanting to know more about my Cast of Characters. So starting now, I'm beginning a new series called Meet The Fids (Furred & Feathered Kids). Another series will start soon to introduce the more human members of the cast. So, without further ado, I'd like to introduce:

Snidely Whiplash – Naked Fid #1

Throughout the years we've had a plethora of critters (2-, 4-, and no-legged) pass through our domicile. The kids were always wanting a pet – not an abnormal desire – however Hubby was dead set against adopting 4-legged furry critters (fids or furry kids) and so a couple of times we opted for more reptilian pets (naked fids) because they offered the benefits of confined housing and shorter life spans.

Our first naked fid was a red-eared slider the boys found roaming the street after having presumably been displaced by all the construction in our new neighborhood. They insisted that he was homeless and it was our duty to help him. So, Snidely Whiplash took up residence in an aquarium in the living room.

This red-eared slider is not Snidely. For some stupid reason I never took any pictures of him!

I did my best to take good care of him, but his water was often not as clean as it should have been, and sometimes the boys would forget to feed him his freshies (veggies I’d already chopped up and bagged for easy dispensing). Eventually his shell started getting scaly and his little head seemed to get droopy and I realized that a wild turtle just couldn’t live in captivity – at least not with our clan as his captors. I was in the process of trying to figure out how to break it to the boys when Grandma and Grandpa (Hubby’s parents) came for a visit.

Grandma has always been a talker. Back then, she had a conversational loop of about 15 minutes. She’d tell the same things in the same order and the same tone of voice over and over... and over... and over...and... hardly slowing down enough to take a breath between the end of one loop and the beginning of the next. (Thankfully, since Pop died she gets out more and has a longer loop – but that’s whole ‘nother story.) On the occasion of this visit, Grandma was into her third or fourth loop replay when Twig decided that he was bored. He wanted to show off Snidely, so he got him out of the tank and brought him over to where Grandma was standing during her oration. Ever so patiently he waited with Snidely held at chest level, and waited. And waited. And waited until his eight-year-old enthusiasm finally got the better of him. He just HAD to get Grandma’s attention. And what better way to get a 55-year-old woman’s attention than to poke her in the arm with a turtle??

It all happened so fast and so slowly at the same time. You know that slow-motion, time whizzing by as it stands still feeling that causes your head to spin and your brain to scream, NOOOOOO!!!! while at the same time your body is unable to move because there seems to be some invisible goo that is making movement impossible... yeah, that. Before I could stop it, Snidely reacted to the elbow aggressor in the only way he knew how – he bit it. Not just a little nip. Not a quick pinch and release. OHHH NOOOO – he latched on and HELD ON! And in that same instant of timelessness, Grandma, having suddenly realized that she’d become a turtle hanger, screamed bloody murder spewing several curse words that I’m not sure many drunken sailors would consider appropriate for use even in a barroom brawl.

Flailing her arms wildly, she kept turning in circles trying to see what had hold of her. I reached her just as she was about to fling her arm again and grabbed it yelling, “MOM! STOP! He’s never gonna let go if you keep trying to shake him off!” Once she stopped thrashing around I was able to grab the poor dazed and confused turtle and lift him up to at least take the pressure of his weight off of the mouthful of flesh. When Grandma quieted down I noticed that the guys, Bug, Twig, Hubby and Pop, were all literally holding their sides and howling with laughter. Well, that just set Grandma off again. It took every ounce of self control I had to keep from losing it myself and joining the guys in a hearty round of hysterical giggling, but I was way too close to my MIL to risk being backhanded! She was THAT steaming mad. LOL!

It took about 5 minutes of coaxing and the temptation of some fresh lettuce to get Snidely unattached and back in his aquarium. Amazingly, his strong grip hadn’t broken the skin, so there are no permanent scars to remind my MIL of her harrowing ordeal. To this day, though, she will cross to the other side of the road if she sees a turtle anywhere within 50’.

A few days later, after having him checked out by a rehabber to ensure he was healthy enough to survive, I took Snidely Whiplash out to the San Jacinto Monument and set him free. I hope that he invited all his new turtle buddies to share the feast of goodies I left. What better way is there to meet your new neighbors than to have a party?

This is exactly how I remember Snidley looking the last time I saw him. For some odd reason, he never looked back.

Picture credits:

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Typing Testiness

I have seen this before, but most recently over at Just Because. However, unlike some people, ahhh ahhh ahhhhjules excuse me for sneezing on you! I have not altered my results. OK OK OK, So I tried but it messed up and I had to redo the stupid thing and ended up with a lower score the second time. I know how to quit while I'm ahead!

71 words

You type 400 characters per minute
You have 71 correct words and
you have 1 wrong words

If you have a mind to try it yourself, you can go here:

Speed test

There was actually a time when I, for real - all jokes aside, typed about 105 WPM. Well, if you count errors it was closer to 100 or so. That was back in the hayday of my secretarial career almost 20 years ago. So I'm happy with a meager 78 dang HTML coding crap 71 now.

I'd learned to type in high school on a normal manual typewriter that looked a whole lot like this one that I found on Flikr. My original plans had been to be a lawyer or a doctor, but Mom wanted me to have a backup plan, so she made me take secretarial courses like accounting, shorthand, typing, and business machines. To this day I can't account for the balance in my checkbook let alone be trusted with some company's books, and the shorthand completely ruined my spelling because it's all phonetic. However I have recently been able to use the phonetics I learned there in texting. Who'd'a thunk it?? But the typing and business machines thing stuck and I became a technology glutton. Why do it manually if you can find a cool machine to do it a harder better way? But we'll save that discussion for another time.

My first secretarial job was for a small steel fabrication company LONG before there were computers on every (or any) desk. It was also before the widespread use of copy machines, so everything had to either be typed twice (or more) or by using carbon paper. The more copies needed, the more layers of carbon paper, so it was important for the keys to be heavy enough to strike through anywhere from 3-7 layers of paper. The owner got tired of the flimsy mechanisms of the new fangled contraptions like the one shown above, and decided to get back to basics. Therefore, for nearly 2 years I typed on one of these old Royals. See those keys? There is at least a 1/2" between each row. And pushing them required the finger strength of Zena the Warrior Princess. On one of these puppies, if you could hit 45 wpm you were considered an office goddess.

So, the next time you think you don't like your nice, feather-touch keyboard with the padded wrist rest and ergonomically correct key positioning, just flip back here and imagine having to do your daily posting on one of these suckers and just kwicherbichen!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

Sorry about this....
I was an idiot too, and neeeded company....
Thanks, agan, to Margie. She got me with this one. Couldn't resist getting you, too!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Hoohoo would have believed it?

PARENTAL WARNING: This one may raise some questions you don't want to have to answer! Read it before your kids do!

God love my friend, Margie! She keeps me in stitches most of the time with her funny emails. This little story is one she sent me. I checked it out on Snopes. It is apparently a TRUE STORY!!

DRINK SPEW WARNING: Do not read this while you are drinking anything (AZMom) or you may spew it all over the screen when you get to the last line!

True Story from Houston Medical Center

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off his hoohoo.

According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:

1) Having your girlfriend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo.
3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring!

MMMMM... nuff said.


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