If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Brains for Sale!

The other day I was driving down the road in a state of complete and utter puzzlement trying to remember why it was that I'd chosen to come this way instead of going the back road I usually prefer. That way has soooo many lights and the traffic is always horrendous. Now, there I was, sitting at one of those much despised stop lights, behind an 18-wheeler, trying to remember just what it was that I was supposed to do. The thought crossed my mind that what I really needed was a new brain. Especially since this old, hormonally-deficient piece of gray matter is obviously wearing out or I'd be able to remember why I was sitting there instead of cruising down the no-light road. UGH! About then the light changed and ever. so. slooowly. the 18-wheeler lumbered forward revealing this:

A New Brain in a Box!! Finally!! A store I can actually get excited about checking out!! Remember that I hate shopping unless it is absolutely necessary? Well, with the way my mind seems to be faltering lately, I do believe that a trip to this store may very quickly become an absolute necessity.

Being the creative genius forward thinking desperately aging weirdo person I am, my next thought was that, hey! if they can put a new brain in a box why not a new butt in a bottle? I mean, come on... how hard could that be? And lookie what I found at my very next stop!

Ok, so I'll give you the fact that it's really for rash relief, but think about it: How cool would it be to have something that you could sprinkle on your butt to turn it into the perfect posterior everyone dreams of? And since monkey butts are pretty ugly, that'd be a great name for it!

All right, enough of this fantasy fixers stuff. Guess I'd better get my monkey butt out of the chair, turn off the computer, and go finish planting my new flowers. Maybe the fresh Spring air and sunshine will clear out the cobwebs. And, now that I think about it, when it comes right down to it, I hate shopping so much that I'll even go exercise if it means staying out of a store.

Peace, Blessings, and Sunshine to all!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Have you scooched down lately?

Well, it's that time of year again. You know the one I mean. That wonderful time when the sun shines and the birds sing merrily as life goes about the business of renewing itself. That time of year when we get everything cleaned out and spruced up. That wonderful time of the year when, after a job well done at home you can lay back and relax while you contemplate the wonders of the ceiling in your gynocologist's office.

Mrs. Hughes and I have so much in common but she tells it a lot better than I do!

As soon as you stop giggling, pick up the phone and make the appointment. We all have to go through it. Might as well get it done with the rest of your Spring Cleaning!

Peace, Love, and Scooch down, please.


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