Edited 2-16-08 to correct typos that were driving me batty (battier??) Sorry if you got one of those pesky notices.
I ended up flying home Thursday night because I was needed more in Houston than in Dallas. My Southwest Airlines flight was scheduled for 8:30, but the person who was taking me to the airport had someplace else she had to be at 7:00, so we went early. When I arrived at about 6:15, I figured it’d be a simple thing to jump on an earlier flight and make it home to Hubby all that much faster. Wrong. The place was packed. Because of the nasty weather in the Midwest and other places, there were flight delays at almost every gate.
The schedule looked something like this when I was finally called to board the 9:00 flight:
Scheduled - - - - - - -Actual
Takeoff Time - - - Departure Time
6:00 - - - - - - - - - - - - 7:45
6:30 - - - - - - - - - - - - 7:20
7:00 - - - - - - - - - - - - 7:00
7:30 - - - - - - - - - - - - 8:50
8:00 - - - - - - - - - - - - 9:45
8:30 - - - - - - - - - - - - 10:10
9:00 - - - - - - - - - - - - 9:00 <--ME! YAY!! 9:30 - - - - - - - - - - - - 11:25
Since it was only 6:45 by the time I got through security, and my flight wasn’t going to take off before 9:00 at best, I decided to kick back and do some blogservation, the results of which I now proudly present.
OVERHEARD
Man on phone with significant other: “I DO love you. But... Honey... I... Yes, I’m at the airport, the flights are... No, sweetheart, I didn’t get here late on purpose. The weather is... But... (now yelling) OK, YES, I HATE YOUR MOTHER AND I’M PAYING THEM TO HOLD THE PLANES JUST SO I DON’T HAVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH THE B*#$%!!! ((Click. Bzzzzzz.))”
He then turned to his female companion, put his arm around her and said, “And you wonder why I’d rather spend time with you??” ((smooch, smooch))
******
Two men, a gynecologist and a plastic surgeon (info gleaned from their conversation), talking to a yuppieish, well dressed and impeccably groomed mid-30s couple:
Ms. Prettyuppie: What would you say is most challenging about being a doctor today?
Dr. Gynoman (laughing): Fat women. They gross me out.
Dr. Niptuck: I agree. I mean, I don’t mind working on the ones who come in after losing a lot of weight and need reconstruction and tummy tucks, but those fatsos who just want their boobs reduced or the guts sucked so they can go back out and re-gain it all and ruin my work really piss me off! If I could get away with it I’d charge them double.
Mr. Prettyuppie: Fat people are just lazy. I won’t hire them because they spend too much time in the break room hitting the vending machines!
All: HAR HAR HAR.. LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH.
At which point I leaned up from where I had parked my 230 pound lazy fat back side behind Dr. Niptuck and asked if I could have their business cards so that I could pass them out to all my other hippo friends in order to avoid ever bothering them with our grossness. I never knew that the human body could produce the color of deep purplish red that simultaneously appeared on those four faces. I just grinned and said, “Be careful what you say, folks. The next person might take your BS personally. As far as I’m concerned, none of you are worth me getting upset over. Y’all have a nice flight, now, ya hear?” And I moved on to another observation spot.
THE F-BOMB
Ticket agent 2 seconds before she turned around to see me standing beside the counter and one second before she slapped her hand over her mouth: “What the f*** do they want us to do, pull planes out of our asses?!?!”
******
Confused passenger to ticket agent 2 seconds before he noticed that there was a little girl standing there watching him wide-eyed as she waited for her father to finish talking to another ticket agent: “How the bloody hell can it be f***ing possible that the G.D. 6:00 plane is going to take off 45 f***ing minutes AFTER the 7:00 flight?? Do you f***ing people have a clue about how to schedule this G.D. sh**??”
Little girl’s daddy, 2 seconds after Mr. F-mouth shut up and 1 second before he realized what he just said in front of his daughter: “Watch your f***ing mouth and don’t take the Lord’s name in vain around my kid!”
KIDS STILL SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS:
Sitting at McDonalds grabbing a bite to eat next a mom and her three little ones: a baby and two boys...
Mom to Big Brother (BB) just before baby spilled her drink: Sit still and quit swinging your legs like that before you kick somebody.
2 minutes later...
Little Brother (LB): Waaaa!!
Mom: What’s wrong?
LB: He kicked me!
BB: I did not!
LB: Yes he did! You wanna see the spot?
Mom to BB: I told you to stop it. Now you have early bedtime when we get home, and apologize to your brother!
BB: BUT...
Mom: BB, you want me to add no WII this weekend?
BB to LB: OKAAAYYYYY. I’m soooorrrrryyyyy.
Mom to both: Sit right here while I go get some more napkins to wipe up baby’s spill.
As Mom heads off with baby on hip, LB smirks at BB and says: "See. I towd you I would det you back."
******
Little girl talking to her daddy on the phone in restroom stall: “Yes, Daddy, I’m being good, but Mommy has a big boo boo on her hiney and it got blooded on her unnerwear but it’s OK ‘cuz she gots mergency big banaids in her purse and she said she’ll feel better when we get home and she can lay down wiff my doll.”
******
On the plane (on the way to Dallas), Ms. Skynanny passing out the traditional peanut packs asks a dad (not the same one as at the ticket counter) if he wants some nuts.
Dad: Yes, please.
Ms. Skynanny to little girl (about 3 or so): How about you, sweetheart?
Little girl (very loudly): No, thank you. I’n a girl. I have a GINA.
At which point the dad spit a mouthful of nuts all over the back of the seat in front of him.
******
On takeoff heading home:
Boy (about 5): I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: You’ll have to wait until the seatbelt light goes off.
Pilot upon clearing some major turbulence: Ladies and Gentlemen, it looks like we may be rocking and rolling most of the way into Houston, but it looks clear enough right now for me to be able to turn off the seatbelts sign...
Dad to boy: You ready to go, buddy?
Boy (coloring wildly with a dark colored crayon): I don’t have to go now.
Dad: You sure. This may be your last chance.
Boy (giving Dad a weird look): I ‘m sure.
When it came time to deplane, the boy started crying softly with his head hung down and didn’t want to leave his seat. That’s when his parents finally figured out why he no longer had to go to the bathroom. Mom started to say something but Dad stopped her. Then his daddy gently picked him up, wrapped him in a blanket and carried the sad little man off the plane to the first men’s room they found. The last I saw of them was while I was waiting for my bag. They were leaving, little man in clean clothes, dad and son hand in hand. That little boy was looking at his daddy like he was a bigger hero than Superman, Spiderman, and Batman all rolled into one. I thought, Now that’s how a real man does “daddy”.
All in all, it really wasn't a bad time. The vast majority of people and kids were quiet and well behaved. I was truly amazed that the staff didn't lose it a few times, but there was one ticket agent who really impressed me. She never once lost her beautiful smile. I never once heard her complain or snap at a customer. I was so impressed, in fact, that I'm plastering her picture here for the whole world to see. I'm also going to see that the folks over at Southwest know how proud they should be of her.
Thanks, Tameka #72665, for being an example of the kind of person we all hope to get to deal with in such stressful times.
When times get hard and you think you are going to lose your mind with the hassle of it, take a minute to stop and look around. Among the chaos there can always be found a little bit of wisdom, a little bit of love, and a whole lot of humor. You just have to be willing to focus on something other than yourself for a minute in order to see it all.
Peace, Blessings, and Blue Skys for all of life's flights.
