If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Saturday, August 30, 2008

Why?? Has the world gone insane?

I know that there are always other things in bills that politicians don't want passed so they have to vote no on some really good legislation to keep the crap out. But WHAT THE HELL COULD BE WORSE THAN THIS TYPE OF MURDER???

You all know that I don't usually get into the political stuff. However, this one has got me so mad that I cannot in good conscience disregard it. I didn't like this man before, but after this, I wouldn't vote for him to be put out if he was on fire. If this offends you to the point that you don't want to come back here anymore, I'll miss you but it won't change my opinion.

Peace and blessings to all. And God HELP us all through this election year. No matter what happens or who wins, I fear it's going to get a lot worse before it's over and this nation re-finds its balance.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Why don't they make a pill for THAT??

They seem to have developed pills to modify just about every nuance of the human condition. Too angry? Too sad? Too happy? Gotcha covered. Tired? Hyper? Apathetic? Piece of cake! Anxious? Confused? Fearful? Easy peasy! Have a pain in your head? Your back? Your foot? Your pinkie? Take two and call me in the morning. But what about that most dread malady: PAIN IN THE BUTT PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY DEFIANT TEENAGER.

Come on, you recognize this. It's typically characterized by the repeated phrase, "Yes, Ma'am." followed by the total disregarding of whatever the request happens to be. Conversations with afflicted teens go something like this:

Mom - Girl, please remember to turn off your lights, TV, radio, fans, and lamps (all of which are on virtually all. the. time. if she's in the room) when you leave the house.

Girl - "Yes, Ma'am."

Mom - Please don't leave your dishes on whatever surface you are nearest when you finish eating. (Think couch, almost finished cereal, and two dogs. Not a pleasant thing to awaken to in the morning.)

Girl - "Yes, Ma'am."

Mom - Please ...

Girl - "Yes, Ma'am."

..."Yes, Ma'am."

..."Yes, Ma'am."

Does this sound familiar to you? On the surface they sound like the kindest, sweetest, most compliant and cooperative creatures ever to walk God's green earth. Upon closer inspection, though, every day you find the lights still on, the dishes still wherever, the clothes still on the bathroom floor, the whatever still being done or not done day after day after day after FRIGGIN DAY!!! And all of it accompanied by a sweet, polite, smiling, "Yes, Ma'am." I, personally, am to the point that if I hear that syrupy sing-song "Yes, Ma'am." one more time, SOMEBODY'S HAIR IS COMING OUT! What does it take to get them to put feet on that damnable response??

One would think that pharmaceutical companies would have JUMPED on this by now! After all, it is an ailment that, in one of its many and varied forms, effects every parent on the planet. It even has its own definition in the Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia. Go ahead. Click over there and read it. I'll wait.....


So what'd ya think? Did you notice that line about "A person with this disorder may appear to comply with another's wishes and may even demonstrate enthusiasm for them. However, the requested action is either performed too late to be helpful, performed in a way that is useless, or is otherwise sabotaged (why didn't they add IGNORED here???) to express anger that cannot be expressed verbally."? Sounds familiar, huh!?!?

And anger that cannot be expressed verbally? Really? I'd actually rather be told that she didn't want to do whatever, and why, so that we could discuss possible alternate solutions before I have threatened to take her phone away for noncompliance. I'm not TOTALLY unreasonable. There have been a few times that I've been convinced to change my mind. Maybe then there wouldn't be any anger that needed expressing!?!?!?!

Did you notice the "Treatment" section? Therapy. Yep, it says, "Counseling may be of value in helping the person identify and change the behavior." May be of value?? MAY??? MAY???? Try, NOT!! Been there and done that so many times that the damn t-shirt is now ripped to tattered shreds and is being used to firmly secure my wrists to my waist so I don't beat her to a bloody pulp!

So now, with no hope of a better life through chemistry (Thanks, Cousin Howard! That's such an accurate phrase!), I'm forced to come up with my own treatments for this disorder. Here's a list of possiblities:

1. Boot in the Butt (BIB) - Apply pointy tip of right cowboy boot to posterior region of afflicted youth. This may provide only temporary relief for the patient, but will provide immeasurable pleasure to the caregiver. Note: having a criminal defense attorney on retainer might expedite the caregiver's release from post-treatment incarceration, but a cost/benefit analysis shows that it would damn near be so worth it as to be cheap at twice the price! (No, I wouldn't really do this but there are sure days when it's fun to daydream about!! LOL!)

2. Buy out - Offer to pay for compliance. Note: Ensure that compliance has been achieved BEFORE tendering any cash. Prepayment will only result in the drastically increased necessity for additional BIB treatments.

3. Ostrich-ization - This was the counselor's advice. Ignore it, it'll go away. Quit asking. Quit worrying. Quit caring so much! Way more easily said than done!

4. Treatment in Kind (TIK) - Start responding to their requests with, "Yes, Dear" and then promptly do something else. This will provide a great way for you to stretch those creative thinking muscles that have been long deadened by the tediousness of day-to-day life with PIBPAD teen.

5. Prayer - for patience. for peace. And a time warp that rapidly moves us to the day when THEY have their own teens and we can sit back and LAUGH OUR OLD, KNOWING BUTTS OFF!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

It's never to late to make your dreams come true.

For those of us who graduated from high school in the early 70s college was "a good idea" but not the virtual necessity it is today. Back then there were still great jobs available for HS grads and, if you were smart (and lucky), you landed one in a field you enjoyed and it grew into a life-long career. Such was the case for Hubby.

After a false start as a draftsman he was hired as a night-shift computer operator at the age of 19. By the time I met him he was the 25-year-old manager of that data center. As the years went by he steadily advanced in his career, becoming the VP of Information Systems for his second employer in 1991. When that company's ownership made some seriously bad business decisions causing the company to flounder three years later he was quickly snatched up by one of the largest medical concerns in the Houston area where he has remained. He is very good at what he does and extremely well respected not only within the organization, but also throughout the the information systems community at large. Because of this, the question of his educational background never bothered anyone. But him.

Throughout the first 20 years of our marriage he sporadically attempted to attend college. However, the demands of running 24-x-7 technology departments would always take their toll on his efforts. Even so, he never gave up on the dream of getting a degree. The advent of Internet-based distance learning provided him the opportunity to finally reach for that previously unreachable sheepskin-shaped star.

We did loads of research and finally found Kaplan University's on-line degree program. While they are accredited by the same folks as the University of Phoenix, their tuition costs run about half or less, and include free shipment of any books and/or software that may be required to complete the classes, but cannot be made available online. Their course structure and scheduling allowed great flexibility and was ideal for students who had to work for a living while attending school.

With the enthusiasm of a starving kid set loose in a cookie factory, in mid-2004, at the age of 50, Hubby threw himself, heart and soul, into his studies. For the next 3-1/2 years through all of the trials with my Girl and some pretty enormous changes at work he kept pushing himself toward his goal. His normal routine involved getting up at around 5:30 a.m. to arrive at work by 6:30, leaving work at 6:00 p.m. (or later) in time to get home for whatever seminar he was supposed to be attending online or to work on homework. He rarely hit the sheets until well after midnight. He rarely took time off even on the weekends. For that 3-1/2 years there was virtually no family time. And I would not have had it any other way because I had never before seen him feeling so good about himself. I was honored to be the behind-the-scenes support that helped put that smile on his face every time he got an assignment back with a 100 on it.

In March 2008 Hubby completed his courses, earning a his Bachelor of Science in Management with Information Systems Emphasis. He not only accomplished this in 3-1/2 years, he did it with a 3.99 GPA. (Would have been a 4.0 but he challenged one professor on a paper. He won that challenge, but then on the final, when an essay question could have been interpreted either of two ways, the professor chose the "screw you you insulent, impudent, peon" interpretation. While Hubby again challenged the decision, this time the dean chose to defer to the professor's decision robbing Hubby of that 1/10 of a point that would have allowed him to graduate with the highest honors. I don't understand why some people have to have that type of god-complex control issues! But that's a topic for another day.) This accomplishment makes Hubby the VERY FIRST male in his entire family - uncles, brothers, cousins, 2nd cousins.. you get it - to graduate college. Sadly, not a one of his family members has bothered to send their congratulations. Again - that's a whole 'nother topic of discussion.

On Saturday, August 2, 2008, at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra Hall, Hubby finally took the walk of a lifetime. I cried like a baby. So here, I proudly present the man of my dreams as he finally fulfils his:

Congratulations, honey. You never let anybody shake your will to succeed and I could not be more proud and honored to be your wife. Your example of never giving up and always believing in yourself is a gift to all who know you.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

And then the fight started...

Margie sent me this email... Had to share. And there was no way I was going to share the email without including one of my all time favorite Muppets videos. Grab a cup of your favorite liquid and have a giggle...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver, who happened to be a little person, got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and, right or wrong, some things just seem funny? Well, this was one of those times. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started...


He said, put another log on the fire. And then the fight started...

LOL!! Sorry guys (as in male readers), I really couldn't resist. And we do owe a huge debt of gratitude to all of your buds (not YOU, of course!) who so unwittingly give us gals such great blog fodder! Without it, none of us would be laughing right now!


Monday, August 4, 2008

Random fun - Memes and a really odd test...

I got this fun bit of fluff from Jules over at Just Because:


That would be 16 as long as none of them were trained as well as THIS KID. Then I probably couldn't handle more than two at a time. (Who am I kidding - I'd be KO'd in 2 seconds flat!)

I'd hope they didn't have THIS KID announcing in the background, because then I'd be laughing so hard I couldn't defend myself. LOL! (Can't embed the video because they have it blocked, but you HAVE HAVE HAVE HAVE to go take a peek. He is tooo cute!)

Have a great Monday! I'll be back live and in person soon. This time I plan on sharing lots of photos... I hope.


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