Outtakes - Papertowel Perplexion

Kids STILL say the darndest things!

I walked into the public restroom to find a little girl waving her hands in the air while talking to her mommy who was still in the stall:

Mommy: Are you washing your hands?
Cutiepie:  Yes, Mommy. I finished.
Mommy: Okay. Dry your hands and stay right there. I'll be out in a minute.
Cutiepie:  I can't, Mommy.
Mommy: Why not?
Cutiepie, still waving her hands in the air: The towels won't come out.

It was then that I realized why she was waving her her hands around: she was standing in front of the old crank-style papertowel despenser trying to activate a sensor to get a towel. After stifling a chuckle I helped her get one.

Cutiepie to me: Thank you, Ma'am.


Mommy (who was obviously having some serious potty issues and thus unable to come out to check on who was with her daughter): Sarah, are you still there? Is everything alright?

Sarah, to her mother (at which point I literally snorted out a chuckle): Yes, Mommy. This old lady knew how to make it work.

Mommy: Sarah!

Just then another stall opened up and I entered, sparing the poor mother the humiliation of having to face me. While it was the funniest stinkin' thing I'd heard in a while, I knew from experience that Mommy would have been mortified to have had look me in the eye.

Peace, Blessings, and Never doubt that Old Dogs with their Old Tricks do sometimes come in handy!

LET'S ALL CELEBRATE. NOT!!

Monday was a day of celebration that was nothing to celebrate about. As I was getting ready to take 2+ dozen cupcakes to Galveston for Daughter's squadron to help her celebrate her Happy Forever Family Day the phone rang. Seems Miss ASSter (I'm seriously thinking about permanently changing her name to that!!) decided that she would throw one of her classic fits and proceeded to: 1. Throw books at her team leader (their equivalent of a dorm parent); 2. Threaten to break the teacher's thumbs; 3. Kick a hole in the wall of the classroom. Yep, you heard it right - KICK a HOLE in the WALL. They wanted me to come down and try to get her calmed down. My first thought was, 'you are the professionals. what the heck do you want ME to do??' But, being the idiotic optimistic pushover loving mother I am, I hurried up and hit the road.

Forty-five minutes later I pulled in the parking lot only to be met by a very chipper, almost jubilant, daughter. She was all smiles and happiness. I, on the other hand was fuming. I guess my look said it all because she stopped dead in her tracks and started trying to explain. Explain?? Kicking a hole in the wall??? Threatening people?? How about explaining what happened to my Cadet of the Week?? Never mind -- I am so sick of her explanations that I could actually throw up. Anyway, as always, I took a deep breath and tried to hear what she was telling me.

First, she was not feeling well; hasn't been for a while now due to sinus and allergy problems. Monday morning she wanted to go to the nurse but they wouldn't let her because (pick one - it's a multiple choice pop quiz) A. they didn't care whether she lived or died; B. she uses it as an excuse to get out of doing anything she doesn't want to do; C. they hate her; D. THE FRIGGIN' NURSE WASN'T THERE AT THE MOMENT! If you answered D., you get a 100. If you answered B. you get partial credit. A & C, however earn you a trip to the Principal's office for thinking like a screwed up little snot who can't seem to get it through her head that the whole world does not revolve around her and just because things aren't going your way you shouldn't threaten people with bodily harm and KICK HOLES IN WALLS!!

Second, they tease her and call her names and pick on her all the time. And she just does not understand why the phrase, "I pulled a knife on my own mother. What do you think I'll do to you?" is sort of off-putting. Nor does she know why telling people, "I'm going to f-ing kill you/break your face/kick your ass/break your arm," hasn't won her a BFF there. And who wouldn't respect a classmate who sleeps/whines/complains/disrupts class/argues with the teacher/argues with the other students or just plain walks out every day?

After about an hour of talking to her, the assistant administrator, and a counselor we finally decided that she should come home with me for the night so that I could get her to the doctor for additional allergy medication. Plus, this gave her a chance get her head clear a little and get some much needed family bonding reinforcement time.

I took her back Tuesday morning. I didn't go in with her because this is her mess to have to straighten out. They were meeting with her to give her a chance to apologize to all concerned and convince them that she should be allowed to stay in the program. Since it's Wednesday night I haven't heard anything yet, I'm assuming that they let her stay. Either that or they had her probation officer pick her up and she's back in lockup. (They have 48 hours to notify me.) If that's the case, I should get a call sometime Thursday. Either way, it's out of my hands at this point. Thank God for small, albeit short-lived, favors.

Oh - and the cupcakes? Still in the back of my car. Thursday's trash day. I wonder if the garbage men would like some cupcakes.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

I am soooo frustrated! Why is it that there are so many times that when we try to do something good, the Universe finds a way to turn the good deed around and bite us in the butt??

Yesterday I was at the store picking up groceries for the weekend and, as I always do, checked out the clearance table. They had a lot of cute Fall and Thanksgiving decorations priced way low for quick sale. I found the cutest set of candleholders. I was so excited! They were perfect for the idea I have of decorating my Christmas table while Bug and Lady N are here. I felt so lucky to have snagged the last pair! Little did I know, as I smugly laid them in my basket, that the Universe had picked just then to show me that I’m still at its mercy.

As I walked down the spice aisle, there was a sweet little lady wheeling along in her motorized buggy. We both stopped at the same time in front of the spices. I’d found my chili powder and had started to move on when she asked me to help her reach the saffron on the top shelf. Always mindful of the fact that some day it may be ME in that chair, I never refuse to help where possible. I gladly turned my basket around to retrieve her jar of gold. (Have you ever bought saffron?? I was amazed to see this tiny speck of stuff in the bottom of a jar with a price tag of $7.94 for .025 ounce! That makes it about $300 AN OUNCE!!! I looked it up online and this is the best description and price I could find. No, I didn’t look that hard. It’s not like I was shopping for chocolate or something!)

I handed the grateful little lady her prize and we talked briefly about the rice dish she was making with it. I swear, the whole exchange didn’t take more than 30 seconds - 1 minute tops! But when I turned back to my basket to continue shopping, MY CANDLEHOLDERS WERE GONE! I’d very carefully nestled them into a little bed I’d made for them with my sweater on top of my purse (which I always zip up and latch into the child seatbelts and cover with my sweater to be sure nobody walks off with it! THANK GOD!!). But now there was just an empty nest! SOMEBODY STOLE MY CANDLEHOLDERS!! RIGHT OUT OF MY BASKET! WITH ME STANDING NOT 2 FEET AWAY!

If this isn’t a classic case of “no good deed goes unpunished” then there’ll never be one! It got me to thinking about all the other times I’ve tried to do something nice and ended up shaking my head when I was left holding the very short end of the cosmic stick. And I KNOW I’m not alone in this! I bet everyone who reads this will have some story to tell.

SO HERE’S MY ANSWER TO THE UNIVERSE’S SICK SENSE OF HUMOR: I’ve started a spin-off blog where you can go and enter your story in the comments. It’s a bloggers open bitch-o-rama session where, as long as you don’t name names, defame anybody specifically, or use foul language you can whine to your heart’s content!

So, go visit my new spin-off blog, NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED and leave us your story. I’ve already posted another whine. It starts off like this…

I have this major aversion to killing bugs. Close your mouth and stop rolling your eyes at me! I try my best to always put them outside instead of just squishing their tiny guts all over my domicile. Most of them are very grateful –

If you want to hear the rest you’re gonna have to go over to the new blog…

Oh - and if you happen to live in Texas and have dinner at a home where they have decorated the table with pretty, new candleholders that are orange, green, and gold entertwined leaves, that they got the last pair of at the grocery store's clearance sale, please give them a message for me:

I'll get you, and you're little dog, too!!



Peace, Blessings, and Cathartic Relief to all!