I really began noticing it about a month ago when I started being accosted by his cute little green-vested and brown-sashed minions as I tried to exit the grocery store with my bags full of
Bebellyzebub has even found ways to infiltrate the best sources of healthful holiness. I recently learned about something called the Joy Fit Club for "...determined people who have lost and kept off 100 pounds or more...." WOW! My heart 'bout exploded right outta my chest, I got so excited. See, I don't know anyone else in the real world who has 100+ pounds they need to lose, so seeing all these people succeed at it really got me motivated. I eagerly jumped onto the Today Show website to watch this video:
You don't see them in this embedded version, but when you watch it on the site they play commercials between video segments and place advertisers' (AKA Bebellyzebub's silk-suited hawkers) bugs or teasers below the video screen. Here's the advertisement I saw when I was watching:
What do you see on this screen: Salmon salad or DOOOOVE CHOOOCOLAAAATE?? I got up to get a drink of water and clear my head before continuing.
The next great food suggestion was
But all I could see was CHOOOCOLAAAATE. Even as I sit here typing this my head is starting to swim and my mouth is beginning to water. This is EVIL, I TELL YOU!! I couldn't even listen to what they were saying much less read the screen titles because ...
I finally just gave up and headed to the bank. That should be safe, right! NOT! Now, we all know that bankers are notorious for finding clever ways to extract as much money from our pockets as possible. However, I never thought they would stoop THIS low!
They actually had the audacity to put stacks and baskets of these on every available flat surface in the building. And then they dressed a couple of the shorter demons in little league baseball uniforms and had 'em stand there all big-eyed and cute making it totally IMPOSSIBLE to leave without buying a box. Or 3.
Needless to say, I won't be joining the Joy Fit club anytime soon. Now if you'll excuse me, the neighbor's high school band kid is at my door wanting me to look over their fund raiser catalogue. Do you think if I hung a cross and some garlic on the front porch it'd discourage the rest of the neighborhood demons from trying, too? Probably not. They'd just dip it in chocolate and try to sell me that, too! And I'd probably buy one. Or 3.
Peace and Joy Fit blessings to all.