- At 5 her kids hear “Mommy loves you and wants to keep you safe.”
- At 13 her kids hear “I don’t trust you to make wise decisions so I have to control your every breath."
- At 22 her kids hear “When are you going to grow up and learn to take control of your own life?”
- At 45 her kids hear “Here’s some advice. Take it or leave it.”
- At 65 her kids hear “I need you around to take care of me.”
Monday, March 17, 2014
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
OK, off the pulpit now.
Wishing you Peace, Blessings, Stress, and God's abundant, uplifting Love!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
There seems to be an epidemic of epic proportions running rampant around here. Everywhere I go here in FastTrack (FT) somebody is talking about this exer-whatever thing. I seem to remember hearing something about that years ago, but it has been a LOOOONG time. I do remember that it was something we did in P.E. in grade school. Come on -- you remember those days!
"PEOPLE! QUITE DOWN AND LINE UP! You, there next to the fat kid, tie those shoes before you trip and break something. OK. Ready, JUMPING JACKS - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, come on fat kid, keep up! 8, 9, 10."
By now all the overweight, out-of-shape kids were huffing and puffing, the jock sporty types were snickering and the rest of us were wondering how to switch places with the kid next to our best friend without the coach noticing. And actually that wasn't something we really had to worry about because the coach never noticed much other than the irritating (coaches thoughts, not mine!) fat kids huffing and puffing and which jock sporty types would do best on whatever team was currently being formed.
After another three to five sets of some boring Jack Lalanne-isms we'd be released to do our own thing. Ummm... fun?? Not usually. The boys would wander off to one side of the gym and pick teams for dodge ball - fatties on one side, jocks on the other. It was a massacre! Never underestimate the strength of a fat kid with a chance to ping a ball off of some snotty jock's groin! Nuff said about that...
The girls, having exhausted themselves, would retire to the bleachers and gossip. Usually about the other girls. Loudly. Rudely. Always in cliques. Always better than the others. And then there was my group. We really didn't care what the other girls thought. We dressed how we wanted. We ate what we wanted. And there was only one exercise we were truly interested in doing well... the one that OBVIOUSLY worked WAY too well for me:
Stand straight, palms together, chest high, elbows up, and PRESS and PRESS and PRESS all the while repeating:
"WE MUST, WE MUST, WE MUST DEVELOP OUR BUST. WE MUST, WE MUST ..."
Yeah - Take a look at my BEFORE photos and you'll see why I think maybe I was a little TOO into this activity. Aaaaanyyyywaaaaayyyy....
So now here I am, 40 or so years later and every time I hear the term Exer... that's as far as my mind can get. It just shuts down... Ain't doin' it. Nope. Nuh-uh!! Yes, I went to the gym faithfully 3-5 times a week for nearly all of the past two years. I walked treadmill hills until my feet blistered, but I was talking to my friend all the while so that wasn't the E word. I pulled handles attached to varying sizes of metal rectangles until my hands blistered, but that wasn't the E word either -- at least not the way I did it! HA! We played racquetball a bunch, but ... ummm hellooooo.. PLAYED - not exer-whatevered.
One might think that with all that activity going on I wouldn't have ever needed to join FT. Again with the, "go look at my BEFORE pics" and tell me how well all that activity worked out for me. IT DIDN'T! While I will admit that I felt better and was a lot stronger, I lost no weight. I lost no inches. All I DID lose was the will to even THINK about going back to the gym.
You see, for me, the act of being that active does something HORRIBLE to my appetite. The stimulation is so much that I am RAVENOUS and all the food that I consume counters out all the work I do. So, for now I ain't gonna do anything more strenuous than:
- Parking at the back of the lot instead of in the 3F spots (Four Front Fatty spaces - seriously, have you ever really watched? The people who circle and circle waiting for one of the first four spaces nearest the door on any aisle are usually ummm... rotund?? OK, so let's just say it... we're FAT! )
- Dancing around to music while I clean the kitchen or do laundry
- Doing kegel crunches at stop lights and during commercials, or ... and this IS my favorite...
- Cracking Hubby up by immitating the skinny-armed biotches who model the propper method to .... ummm... thrill your guy??... on those Shake Weight commercials. (There are men far and wide screaming at the TV, "Hey, baby, come on over. I've got a REAL weight you can shake!!") AACK!
And no, don't anybody... ANBODY... DARE say "Well, all that stuff is exer..." I WILL come find you so I can EAT YOUR LUNCH AND MINE! And speaking of lunch...
Y'all have a GREAT Thursday, now. OK!!!
OK - so that's my current ranting for the day over at FT. I sincerely hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. Ah, the memories!! I also hope you consider looking into this program. It is changing lives. Mine included.
Peace, Blessing, and E.. don't say it!!!!!... to all.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
But then something in our relationship changed. I started realizing that with us having so much fun there were very few adult-type responsibility things getting done. The laundry piled up. So did the dust. And the dishes. Hubby and I'd go out to eat most every night because she and I'd been goofing all day and I just wasn't up to cooking. I did notice that I'd gained a few pounds. But, HEY, my makeup and hair looked great so it couldn't be all THAT much, right?
No more goofing off ALL day long. I had to get at least ONE positive thing accomplished every day. She didn't like it one bit at all, but I managed to separate myself from her long enough most days to make it. Some days all I could manage was dragging my over-large self to the gym for an hour of exercise. Then she and I'd sit around and whine about how harrrrd it was and get nothing else accomplished all day long.
Finally, I decided enough was enough. She had to go. There are some friendships that are just not healthy to maintain. So my long-time buddy was banished from my life. I won't say that I haven't thought about her a lot over the last several months, but I have been more productive and that has kept me from inviting her back. However, this morning when I woke up she was at the door. I tried to have coffee and then shew her on her way, but she just would NOT leave! I finally got up a few minutes ago and started working in my office, AKA the file cabinet barf center of the universe, that she got frustrated and stalked off. And all I can think is WAAA!! Cry baby! LOL! Today has proven to me that she's a drag! Seriously! So now I think I'm finally ready to say a fond but long overdue BUH-BYE!! to my old friend.
OH, I almost forgot to tell you that I've found a new friend who I think's really going to be a blast. Her name?
OK, I'm outta here. Me and my new friend are gonna find the top of this desk if it kills us! If you haven't heard from me by this time tomorrow SEND IN A SEARCH PARTY!
Have a great day, y'all!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Damama's Use It or Lose It Advice on: Things Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Part II: Helping Enablers
Alright, now I have another question. This one comes from Jon as well as me. What do you do if that person who doesn't manage her money well is your mother-in-law and other people (outside the family) are bailing her out? She of course still comes to each of her children (5) and their spouses for help. We help do her laundry, but we no longer give her any money.
ANSWER: You have no control whatsoever over the choices other people make. The best you can do is to try to talk to them and enlist their help in helping your MIL. I'd set up a meeting with those you know are enabling her poor life choices to make sure you are all on the same page. I'm betting that the story they are getting from her involves something along the lines of "my kids have abandoned me after all I did to raise them and clothe them and put a roof over their heads..." waaaa waaa waaaaaaaa.
Be aware that you will most likely run into at least a few who have codependency issues. For them, helping your MIL is a form of self-medication that will not be easily relinquished. Depending on how well you know them and what your relationship is, you might suggest that they look into their own reasons for not wanting your MIL to get better. A great resource for them might be a book called Codependent No More which I've read and have given to several others. It is amazing what can happen in one's life when one starts recognizing the self-destructiveness of being an enabler. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'give until it hurts'.
Now I have just one question for you: Why are you still doing her laundry? Does she not know how? Is she allergic to detergent? Fabric softener? Ironing boards? Ask yourself this: If she was my 20-something daughter would I still be doing her laundry for her? If the answer shocks you, you know what your next step needs to be: either you read the book and stop doing your MIL's laundry or you just stop doing your MIL's laundry. Natural consequences will eventually kick in and she WILL figure out how to get clean. Or not. Either way it has to be HER decision to either grow up or wither up. I'm betting that she'll choose growing up. (If it's a question of access to a place to do the laundry it would be alright for you to offer to let her come use your machines at your convenience. Just don't do it for her.)
Please note that ALL of this assumes that your MIL does not have serious physical handicap, mental health or intelligence issues that need to be addressed by an appropriate healthcare professional. If so, getting her help now will make your future life easier because her behavior will only continue to worsen without treatment.
All that being said, there is one thing that I know will not change in her life. You love that woman. You may not always like her behavior, but you love her or you wouldn't care. You'd just walk away and let somebody else figure it all out. Some day, when she's healthier, she will be grateful that you loved her enough to do what was best for her when she couldn't do it for herself.
Kudos, my friend. And best of luck on this very difficult journey.
Peace, Blessings, and Peace knowing that love alone is not always enough.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
How do you get a fifty-something person who has managed money poorly her whole life and always depended on others to bail her out to manage her money better?
ANSWER: Quit bailing her out. Period. She will whine, moan, complain, and possibly threaten ugliness. She will say she's starving. Or freezing. Or.... Have responses and alternate resources such as addresses of shelters, food pantries, and charity assistance programs ready. And stand firm.
Next, offer to help her set up a budget. If she refuses then let her go on her own but do not, under any circumstance, buy into her poor, poor, pitiful me routine. Give love, not money. Give encouragement, not money. Give her Dave Ramsey's phone number, BUT DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY.
She is a grown-up woman. It's time she suffered the grown-up consequences for her childish behavior.
Damama my question is what is the question? Life is good, I am blessed and sleepy. Sweet dreams all.
ANSWER: The question is do you thank God or some higher power every day for your good life and blessings? I bet you do, but if I'm wrong please go do so now. ;o)
I [see] that you use Blogger, but where did you get your template? I love it!
ANSWER: Thank you! If you'll look in the upper left-hand corner of my blog you'll see a little bug there that says The Cutest Blog On The Block. Warning, though. Don't go there unless you have time to shop around a while. They have SO MANY cute blogs and so much neat stuff that you will get lost in there for a while. LOL! Good luck and come back and tell me what you find so I can come see your new look!
I want to know what your favorite thing about being a mom is!
ANSWER: Wow! Hit me with a though one, why don'tcha! Seriously, that question has so many different answers. If you don't mind, this one deserves a blog post all on its own. Come back in a couple of days or watch Twitter for a notice that it's up.
... and thanks for making me really examine this thought.
I need to know why the 8 yr old girl is so rude, argumentative, lies through her teeth & back answers a million times each day? Is it too drive her mother totally crazy?
ANSWER: This is a two-parter...
Short form - YES, it is to drive you crazy so that when she grows up and leaves home you won't miss her so much. Just kidding. Sort of.
Long form - Those of us who grew up under horrific circumstances tend to get just a weeeeee bit control-freakish. Then, when we are blessed (and I do use that term cautiously) with strong-willed, independent, self-confident children who happen to be a great deal like us, we tend to go a little nuts. Not that the child is perfect by any means, but... Dang this thing of having to be the grownup ALL the time! ;O)
Try something for me -- an experiment in self control, if you will. For the next week back off a little. Give her viable choices (meaning include things that she might actually choose herself) and then honor her decision. (For example, you might not wear those colors together, but you aren't putting the stuff on your back!) Make sure she knows what the rules and expectations are. And what the consequences are. Give choices when appropriate. Give time guidelines, not time requirements for compliance. Try to take the emotion out of your dealings with her UNLESS they are POSITIVE emotions. Mete out punishment in a matter-of-fact manner. Redirect her when necessary the same way -- just as you might with a non-compliant patient. Allow natural consequences to take their course without you having to always be the bringer. (If she goes out dressed like that her friends will probably make fun of her causing her to rethink future wardrobe choices. Why scream at her to get change clothes? It only makes her want to do it less. Her friends' opinions, though... GOLDEN! Win-win for Mom!)
Most of all.. MOST MOST MOST OF ALL... Praise her. Praise her for getting up after you only having to call her twice instead of the usual X number of times. Praise her for closing the door behind her. Praise her for remembering to flush the toilet (something like "My friend complains that her daughter never flushes the toilet. I'm so glad you are so good at remembering!). OK, so that one's out there, but you get the idea. FIND OR MANUFACTURE REASONS TO PRAISE HER. She needs to know how good that feels. Once she gets some and knows she can get more she will crave it!
Next, jump over to my advice to another Frustrated Mama and try out some of the tips I gave her. And then, for a good laugh and some more ideas go check out the story about my very stubborn friend and her trashy kid. (Be sure to read all the comments, too. They're a hoot!) Mix and match until you find what works sanely for you. And then stick to it!
None of this is going to make her a perfect child. None of it is going to make you a perfect mother. But SOME of it will give you a little peace and make life a bit easier for all concerned.
Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!
OK, that's it for today's questions. And by the way, I'm going to post these over on my advice column at DeKalb Ramblings, too. I have a feeling that y'all aren't the only ones who have some of these questions. Might as well share. Only difference is that if you don't want me to I won't use your real name or blog link. Just let me know.
Peace, Blessings, and Good questions, y'all!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
So go ahead. Ask away. ANYTHING. I'll even start you off with the answer to a recently emailed question:
KK in KC asks: Why do you have a squirrel in your header? Is it to show that you are a squirrelly old broad?
Dear KK: ROFL! Yes, honey, that's a big part of it, but it's more in honor of Hunker D. If you'll go read A Squirrel's Tale it will explain a lot. Be warned, though, the little bugger's pretty long-winded.
OK, now the rest of you - Whatcha wanna know? How to get your kids to brush their teeth? How to get your fake houseplants clean? Just ask. I may not know the real answer but I bet I can make ya laugh...
Monday, January 4, 2010
I did pretty well today. Until tonight. Hubby went to bed at 9:30 and I intended to just get a post up and then join him. Then I got sidetracked, and bogged down, and couldn't think of anything to post. And I drained the last of the water from my glass. And I went to the kitchen to refill it. And I saw the caramel corn my friend made me for Christmas. I don't really like the fact that it had peanuts in it, but... Just one bite of the popcorn part.... And another. And... Well, I might as well finish it off so it won't be here nagging me tomorrow. And now I'm sitting here feeling like a total failure. Why didn't I just throw it away?
Thank God for new mercies every morning. I will start again in the A.M. And I will do better.
One day at a time, right?
Peace, Blessings, and God grant me the serenity.