If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Turkey’s First Bird

I've been trying to get around to writing something new all week. Not enough time, though, so I thought I'd pull this one out of the last year's mothballs. It is definitely funny enough to be re-run!

Now I'm off to enjoy a day of food, family and fun with the biggest turkey a girl could ever fall head over heals in love with. May you be blessed enough to have even half as much to be thankful for.


Hubby and I were married in April of 1981. By July I was pregnant with Twig. By September we had purchased our first home. That year we had an awesome Halloween party and were looking forward to our first holiday season.

Early in November, while Hubby was helping a friend drive to Minnesota and back, I went with my mom to see the Ice Capades. The last thing Hubby said before leaving was, “be careful on those steps at the event site.” Not wanting to worry my man or hurt my baby, I cautiously navigated the steps up to the doors of the arena and then further up to our seats. I even refused to drink anything while we were there for fear I might have to go back downstairs to pee!

When the show was over, Mom and I joined the rest of the throng exiting the building. There was so much excitement and everyone was chattering about the show – I didn’t see the steps until it was too late. Before I could catch myself, I’d missed the first step, lost my footing and landed on my butt on the hard concrete. Now, when I’m pregnant, I’M PREGNANT. Even though I was only about 4-1/2 months along I had already gained 38 lbs. and looked like I was concealing a small elephant under my shirt. So when I went down, everybody within a 5 foot circle stopped and tried to help. People were just kinder and more willing to get involved back then, weren’t they? But I digress… (Ever notice that the Squirrel and I both seem to have a habit of doing that?? Go figure!)

As a result of my fall, I almost lost the baby and had to be on bed rest for an extended period of time. And THAT’S how Hubby ended up having to cook our first Thanksgiving dinner. Now, he was already a fairly good cook when we got married, but he’d never done a turkey before. I’d already tried to explain how to prepare it for the oven, but once he actually had to do it, things got interesting.

He didn’t want me to go into the kitchen to help because of the needing to keep my feet elevated thing, so we were yelling back and forth across the house:

HUBBY: How long am I supposed to cook this thing?
ME: How big is it?
HUBBY: About the size of your belly (snicker, snicker, snicker)
ME (laughing): No, silly, how much does it weigh? {Thinking – you better be glad I’m not the stereotypical pregnant woman, or you’d be wearing that dang thing as a hat right now!}

Once that was settled, it was time for him to go about preparing the critter for the oven.

HUBBY: Didn’t you say there was something stuck inside it?
ME: Yes. They put the neck, gizzard, heart, and some other junk in a bag inside the turkey.

HUBBY: Well, there’s nothing in here.
ME: Did you look good?
HUBBY: Yes. There’s nothing in there.
ME: You reached all the way in and felt around and there’s nothing?
HUBBY: YES – If I get any friendlier with it, it’ll be pregnant, too!!

Grateful that 2-1/2 year old Bug had gone to the lake with my parents, thus avoiding any interesting questions about how being friends could get the turkey pregnant, I turned over to take a nap while Hubby finished dinner.

Several hours later, the smell of good food roused me from my slumber. And since I was getting bedsores from laying there so much, I decided to defy orders and go check out how things were going in the kitchen. Hubby had just pulled the bird out of the oven and was in the process of slicing it when – you guessed it – he hit paper. Of course it was MY fault! I hadn’t told him that the turkey had TWO holes that he should be looking in.

For months after that, any time either of us lost something, the other always had to ask, “You looked everywhere, but DID YOU CHECK BOTH HOLES??”

Wishing you empty holes, full bellies, and a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Monday, November 24, 2008

A Cherokee Story - Two Wolves

One of my very best friends in the world sent me this.

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

My wonderful friend signed his note:

Lux et umbra vicissim, sed semper amor
- "Light and shadow by turns, but always love" –

It is unbelievably rewarding to have your children let you know that they GET IT when they grow up. It makes all that time wading through the sludge of the teen years more than worth the effort.

I love you, my Bug. Thank you for .... everything.

Peace, Blessings, and Always Love.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Philosopher Mom: Automotive Diva Award

I just finished reading The Philosopher-Mom's post entitled, "In Which I Have to Jump-Start Not One but Two Cars. I am so impressed by her ability to do this that I felt compelled to give that woman an award. Couldn't find one, so I made this one up.

YOU GO KALYNNE! You give automotive ditzes like me hope.

If you know a woman who isn't afraid to pop the hood and dive in, please feel free to pass this along.

Peace, Blessings, and Pass the wrenchy thingy.

Sears: Doing the right thing gets my business!

I plan on doing all of my Christmas shopping and as much of my future shopping as possible at Sears. I am doing this even though I traditionally H.A.T.E. Sear's customer service, or should I say their customer non-service. Here's why I'm just gonna put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Note: I have also checked this out on Snopes and with Sears. IT IS ACCURATE.


How does Sears treat its employees who are called up for military duty?
By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up.

Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years.

I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution. I suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.

Pass it on.


The supposed original sender of the email added this note:

Decided to check this before I sent it forward. So I sent the following e-mail to the Sears Customer Service Department:

I received this e-mail and I would like to know if it is true. If it is, the Internet may have just become one very good source of advertisement for your company. I know I would go out of my way to buy products from Sears instead of another store for a like item, even if it's cheaper at that store.

This is their answer to my e-mail:

Dear Customer:

Thank you for contacting Sears.The information is factual. We appreciate your positive feedback.

Sears regards service to our country as one of greatest sacrifices our young men and women can make. We are happy to do our part to lessen the burden they bear at this time.

Bill Thorn
Sears Customer Care

Please pass this on to all your friends. Sears needs to be recognized for this outstanding contribution and we need to show them as Americans, we do appreciate what they are doing for our military!!!

It's also verified by Snopes.com at:

Peace, Blessings, and HAPPY SHOPPING!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

SATURDAY GIGGLES: Employee of the Month

Got this from my very cool friend, Jules, whom I miss like crazy.



A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything-under-one-roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?' The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin.' Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says 'one'.

The boss says 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says '$101,237.65'.

The boss says '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishin’ and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing...


An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won't let him do it at home. ~Author Unknown

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Happy Birthday to Meeeeee

Yep. Today is my birthday. And it has been a really great day. What a total difference this year was from last year when I thought I'd been forgotten!

It started off at 12:00 A.M. with Hubby getting out of bed to come into the office and give me a hug and a kiss and deliver his rendition of 'Go Mama. It's your birthday. We gonna party like it's your birthday' (ala 50Cent) accompanied by a totally cute butt-waggy dance. He had me cracking up! And thanking God he doesn't own a speedo!

After he went back to bed, My Girl came out of her cave and gave me a beautiful card and this tealight candle holder from her and The Boyfriend.

It says, "Mothers are special and so kind... touching lives with tenderness, warmth, and love combined." I have seen these several times and always thought they were beautiful and secretly wished one of my kids would give me one. Yay for birthday wishes come true!

I was awakened this morning by a text message from my friend, Tanya, telling me happy birthday and offering to buy me breakfast.

Before Hubby left for work he gave me a wonderful card. As usual, it made me weepy. He always makes me feel like the most special person in the world, but on my birthday he finds cards that speak such love and faith that if they were all I got all year it would be (almost) enough. I am so blessed to have that man in my life.

For lunch, My Girl took me to Olive Garden where we had salad and shared a lucious piece of the heaven they call the Black Tie Mousse Cake. After lunch we spent a little time shopping. While we were at Kirkland's I admired this and she bought it for me!

Here's what it says up close:

Isn't that wonderful! I'd never heard that before. It so perfectly fits the way my life has gone that if she hadn't bought it for me I'd have done so for myself, but it wouldn't have meant nearly as much as having her spend her own hard-earned money just to put a big birthday smile on my face.

When we got home I had an email from Bug containing a gift certificate to Kiva which is a website where people can go to help out small businesses by lending them small amounts of money. It's called microfinance. Bug very thoughtfully gave me money to give to someone else. Isn't that the coolest thing! I just love that boy. He knows my heart so well.

Tonight, Hubby took me out to The Chart House at the Kemah Boardwalk. I am so glad Ike didn't blow it away! Otherwise I wouldn't have had lobster and key lime pie for my birthday dinner. Calories don't count on your birthday, do they?

Throughout the day I've received cards, emails, and text messages from all over the place. I even received a phone call from Lady T all the way from The Netherlands. Plus I just finished a call from Twig.

I must tell you, though, that the most welcome present I got all day long came from ME! I've spent most of the last month talking about turning 53 (or 40-13 as a friend of mine prefers to say). This morning I was thinking about how quickly the years have passed and how I don't FEEL 53 in my head when it dawned on me... I was born in 1956 which means I TURNED 52 TODAY NOT 53!! How much better can it get to gain a whole nother year to live. Now if I can just find the check-out girl at Wal-Mart who told me last week that I looked good for 53. I wonder if she'll think I look good for 52, too.

Peace, blessings, and may all your birthday wishes come true, too!

Monday, November 10, 2008

7 Things Meme or You can recycle, too.

Brandi over at O.W. IN G.S. tagged me for a 7 Things Meme. Since I did one about my life's trivialities HERE and another eight HERE with its follow-up HERE, I thought I'd do something a little different. Then I saw Debbie Yost's post about FINALLY signing up for recycling services over at the Three Weddings headquarters, and had the bright idea of presenting:


1. Dry Cleaner Bags - These things are much stronger than one might assume. I tie a knot in the end the coat hanger sticks through, pull bag inside out with the knot on the inside, and use them for all sorts of things such as:

-- kitchen trash bags
-- sort dirty clothes - each bag holds exactly one load of laundy as long as I don't stuff them so full I can't easily grab a handful of wadded up bag with which to drag it to the laundry room (OK, so now you know that I wait until nobody in the house has anything left to wear before I do laundry. Sheesh! I always tell on myself!)
-- bag recyclables so the nice men can tell easily which bin to toss stuff into
-- wet clothes bags for the kids that come swim in the summer (I let some of the neighborhood kids use the pool sometimes. It is fun having some laughter in the yard again, plus they are less likely to mess with my Halloween and Christmas decorations if they like me!)
-- rebag potting soil
-- bag grass clippings and other green yard stuff so the nice men can tell which bag to grab when they roll by in the Green pickup truck
-- emergency rain jackets - Just widen the coat hanger hole and pulling it over your head. They squish down so small that you can keep 2 or 3 in a gallon zipper bag under the seat!
-- throw pillow stuffing - If you have enough of them in the casing they don't flatten out and they regain their shape almost immediately so no plumping! Plus, little kids love the soft crinkly sound they make. (Plastic shopping bags work, too, especially if you mix some in with the dry cleaning bags. Cut off the seams, though, or they make sticky lumps.)

2. Frozen Dinner trays, and plastic or Styrofoam take-out containers

-- drawer dividers - These come in so many sizes and shapes that I had fun puzzling them together to make drawer dividers throughout the house. Now I can open almost any drawer and find exactly what I'm looking for. (Just DO NOT open any closet in my house without shielding your head in case of an avalanche!)
-- plant trays - put your plant in one and it not only keeps all the water from running all over your tables, but it also helps keep the plant hydrated because it can soak back up excess water runoff caused by letting the soil dry out too much between waterings. (WHO? ME?? Noooo not meee. I would NEVER be so cruel to poor defenseless plants! Umm, excuse me while I go find a saw to cut off this horrible nose growth thing that just sprouted from my face!)

3. Pantyhose and/or Knee-highs

-- stretch easily around water faucet handles to clean the junk out from under and between them that my big fat fingers can't reach
-- stretch wonderfully between the bolts holding the toilet seat in place (Those of you with little boys know what a nasty job that can turn out to be!)
-- fill with potpourri and/or leftover melted candle wax (you know how good that stuff still smells sometimes!) and stick in the back of a drawer or closet, or under the seat of your car (In the summer either put it in one of the Styrofoam containers or just forget the wax for the car fresheners. Believe me, it makes a mess if you don't!)

4. Old pillows make great reinforcement for saggy couch cushions. Just unzip the cover, slide them in and smooth them out on top of the existing foam and re-zip 'em. (There are some other things I use these for, but it'd take too long to explain it here. I'll do a post on some of my other interesting uses of old pillows later.)

5. Medicine bottles - We have sooooooooooooo many of these things laying around that I have actually run out of stuff to use them for! In them, I've stored:

-- nails
-- straight pins
-- push pins
-- paper clips
-- change
-- extra Rolaids in each purse and every car (danged reflux!)
-- buttons
-- baby powder (Empty spice bottles also work great for this because they have the little plastic holy thing in the top. See how deftly I slid another thing in here. heh heh heh!)
-- mints & gum
-- toothpicks
-- eye drops (you know, the single use kind in plastic tubes with tops that come off if you sneeze in their direction, so they end up empty when you actually need one to put a contact back in!)
-- other stuff that I'm too brain dead right now to remember

NOTE: If you want some pill bottles to use for anything, please email me. PLEASE! I'm drowning in the dang things because they are not recyclable and nobody wants them. Hubby says to throw them away, but I JUST CAN'T! AACK! It's become my obsession to find new uses for them.

6. Coffee filters make great water retention wads in potted plants. If you have roses, you can even sometimes leave the grounds in them to give their buds a little boost. Just rinse them out, wad them up, and stuff them down in the dirt or save up some to use the next time you have to re-pot something.

7. Styrofoam sheets - I save a few of the ones that come as packing material so I will have them to:

-- easily display my jewelry - I glued ribbon around the edges and then used the extra to make a hanger. Now I can see all my earrings and necklaces at a glance.
-- make cheap and easy treatments for small windows. Fabric, straight pins, and a couple of nails sticking out of the wall are all you need to dress up a small window without having to spend a fortune. This is the valance in my laundry room. I wanted to dress it up, but had no desire to spend money to do it. I had this left over from another house but no rod, so I used a sheet of Styrofoam instead.

-- add height to items displayed on top of my kitchen cabinets because roaches LOVE 'em some cardboard but not Styrofoam. There are lips on top of all my cabinets that everything disappeared behind. A few blocks of Styrofoam saved the day!

-- decorate and use in my curio cabinet to raise the items in the back for easier viewing. (You can cover them or brush on paint, but I wouldn't use spray paint because it tends to melt them! And that stinks. Horribly!)

OK. That's it for now. I love to hear what creative things you do to recycle stuff around the house.

Peace, blessings and HAPPY RECYCLING!

Friday, November 7, 2008


Angie's family is in need of prayers. Brian has Stage IV brain cancer and, unless God performs one of his miracles, may not live to see the new year. I have spent the last year being completely amazed by the love, strength, and courage of this family.

I am asking that you help those of us who are so touched by this family cover them in a world-wide blanket of love and prayer. Please take a moment to pop over to Keep Believing and let her know that you are joining the world in prayer for her family. Then take another moment to pass this request on to everyone you know. If you have a blog, please post this prayer request there.

This is not one of those "if you love Jesus" kind of requests. I have my beliefs and I honor yours, whatever they may be. I only ask that you pray to whatever higher power you believe in. No matter what religion or faith we espouse to, we all know that the god in which we believe can do miracles. And this family needs one. Now.

Note: If you would like to receive this post as an email that you can forward, email me and I'll send it to you. You can also click the little yellow envelope at the bottom of this post to open an email form and send it to yourself. However you need to do it, just DO IT NOW, please. This family has no time to waste.

Peace, Blessings and, as Angie always says, KEEP BELIEVING!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Word Verification Game

Jillybean over at Thou Shalt Not Whine has come up with a really fun game you play with the word verification characters that some mean people make you trudge through bloggers have active. Some of the stuff her readers have come up with is great. Go check it out HERE and add your own if you get anything cool. Be sure to also check out one reader's definitiion of "paticapt," too! LOL!

Have a great Thursday.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Either way, it's all good...

The there are those who say I was overly worried and wrong to think that people would act out. I prefer to believe that our prayers for peace last night and today have been answered. Either way, I'm good with it because the bottom line is that everything turned out alright.

The outcome was no huge surprise. I am actually thrilled that so many turned out to have their voice heard. And heard it was! Wow! Even though it didn't go the way I thought it should have, I respect the process even if I don't respect Obama. That, he has to earn through his actions, not just words.

Congratulations to all the winners of last night's race. May you go forward with pure hearts and end your journey with clean consciences. Now THAT would be change we could all get behind!

Peace, Blessings, and That's it for my political commentary. FOREVER. Maybe.


And now for just a wee but of post-election fun. Hubby found this last night. I just HAD to share it. (If you haven't seen it before, be sure to watch all the way to the end!)

As Erma Bombeck says, “If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”

Somebody had entirely too much free time on their hands! LOL!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Choose Peace

The single clenched fist lifted and ready,
Or the open hand held out and waiting.

For we meet by one or the other

An now for what I have to say.

I fear our world will change dramatically on Tuesday. No matter who wins this election, there will be those who cry foul and express their disappointment violently. No matter how the losing candidate's camp pleads for calm and rationality, there will be those who choose riot and imprudence. The world we awake in on Wednesday morning may be a very scary place for a while.

I pray to God that this feeling in my gut is wrong; that our children will not have to suffer because of the stupidity of adults who cannot accept defeat graciously. Or worse, cannot accept victory graciously.

I pray that regardless of which side wins, we don't all become losers in the process.

I pray the winner's supporters accept victory with grace and calm.

I pray the loser's supporters bow out with dignity in diplomatic acceptance.

I pray that the change that so many are clamoring for is not heralded by menace and mayhem regardless of who brings that change.

I pray that each of you takes time to pass on a prayer for peace, whether it's this message or one of your own. No matter what higher power you believe in, now is the time to call on it for strength and wisdom for all. In the days to come, this country will need all the positive energy we can muster.

Peace, Love, and


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