If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck

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Friday, April 25, 2008

Back from Oblivion

In the immortal words of Minnie Pearl


I’m more or less back. Thanks to lots of wonderful prayers and well-wishes it’s more more than less. OK – so that didn’t make a lot of sense. Maybe the drugs still haven’t completely worn off?? Muddling on...

For those of you who emailed me wanting to know what the heck I did to myself, I have one thing to say: I HAVE NO FREAKIN’ IDEA! It started Thursday with something that felt like a cramp on the outside of my right calf. By Friday, it had expanded to my thigh and felt more like a charliehorse. Saturday the charliehorse got worse after I mistakenly tried to work it out by doing yard work. On Sunday morning I couldn’t move my leg more than a few inches and my foot started tingling so I decided it was time to visit the nice people at the emergency care place up the road. They are very lovely people who gave me wonderful drugs so that even though the pain wasn’t all gone, I diiiiduuunt caaaaayeeeerrr.

Several of you suggested taking the time to read a good book. I would have loved that! However, after a thorough and lengthy inspection of the inside of my eyelids I determined that there are no holes in them that would allow for such taxing activity. And since the nice drugs made it impossible for me to keep my eyes open, no reading. I birthed two babies – an 8-1/2 pounder and a 7-1/2 pounder. And I did it the hard way with no pain meds. None. (Well ½ a shot of Demerol with the second one, but that’s another story – tee hee hee!) And I was induced both times which, I’m told, produces a harder labor than normal (whatever “normal” might be). But I am here to tell you that pushing those two watermelons out of my body was NOTHING compared to the pain associated with that pinched nerve thing. There was no way I was going to give up my pain meds for a little literary indulgence.

There was one really bad side effect to all the muscle relaxants and pain killers. Ummm, apparently several weeks of 16-hour, 130 mile round trip days isn’t the only thing that can cause a Colorado River sized log-jam of constipation. I discovered that the combination of drugs I was taking works even faster. Usually when I have a problem it’s related to tension and if I just sit there and relax a little, things start moving. So I sat. Waiting. And waiting. As I relaxed I closed my eyes and tried to visualize a calm, peaceful river running through my body carrying all the timber downstream toward a waterfall. Suddenly, I was startled from my exercise in guided imagery by my dog pawing at my lap. Yep, you guessed it: I fell.asleep.on the toilet! How doped up does somebody have to be to fall asleep on the john?? You can now understand why I’m glad to be back and almost drug free. I’m going to continue to take the Flexeril and the Motrin and save the Vicodin for the next time I need to take a nap. On the pooper.

Again, thank you for all your prayers. It’s wonderful to feel so loved!

Coming tomorrow: An update on my Girl. I promise.

20 comments:

  1. ok, I am embarrased to say, I have fell asleep on the toilet more than once.

    With. No. Pain. Meds. or anything else. just because I was tired.

    I am glad you are feeling a bit better though.

    ~Jennifer

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  2. Yup. I've done it too.

    Yay for feeling better. Glad you're up and around. Pain can be such a....... uh.....pain. :)

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  3. You're bringing out the confessions...I've done it too and fallen off and still didn't wake up. When I finally woke up, pants around the ankles and dogs staring at me waiting to go outside. Crazy! Glad you're feeling better now. We missed you. XOXO

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  4. I'm glad you're feeling better!

    I don't think I have ever fallen asleep on the toilet, but I have found my kids asleep on the toilet.

    I'm looking forward to the update on your Girl.

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  5. Great to see you back - er, sorry, maybe I should rephrase that?

    Right, I'm your 5th commenter, and the 4th to confess to - yes, falling asleep while trying to concentrate in a certain position!
    It may have something to do with the fact that the bathroom, at certain times, is a haven of solitary peace!!!

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  6. Oh, you crack me up. Seriously. I'm so glad you are feeling better. Sounds like your week was much like Emily's 2 weeks ago on her valium. She was looooooopy! lol.

    I'm glad you are in much less pain and feeling better. For the obvious reason, plus I have missed your blog posts (very selfish, i know!!! lol).

    Take it easy and slow.

    Love ya!

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  7. I am not sure if you are an ad for drugs or against drugs. I am picturing a snapshot of you asleep captioned:
    "This is your body on drugs!"

    Do you think that would work in the high school?

    Haha I am glad you are feeling better.

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  8. Gladyou are back to the land of the living!! While drugs are good, it is nice to get off of them too!

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  9. Ohhh...vicodin. I had foot surgery and had [lenty of those. I did fall asleep in the toilet, and in the middle of conversations. I was supposed to write down the times I took the meds so that they were evenly spaced through the day, and I fell asleep while writing.

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  10. By the way, hope you're feeling better!

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  11. God Bless ya!
    I never fell asleep on the toilet, but I did once fall asleep while getting a filling. With three small children, it was so relaxing to lie back and close my eyes...just couldn't help myself. Too bad I started snoring!
    Pax, EJT

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  12. Glad you are feeling better!

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  13. Your Wish Is My Command, My Dear!
    Stop by and see Snorkie McTavish.
    God Bless!

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  14. I have almost fallen asleep on the toilet too after my hysterectomy so I can relate. I am glad to see you are up a bit. I hope you continue to improve!

    And ROFLOL about the comments you left on my blog about my ex-boss! Oh gosh I laughed HARD at that one! You crack me up!

    And as for aliens...hmmm...I am still not convinced ;) However, my hubby says thanks! LOL

    Oh and yes, Bug is much better and no one else got sick! Yeah! Thanks for asking!

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  15. Jennifer - You have 7 children, a job, rheumatoid arthritis, and are in the process of packing your life up to move to another country. I'd say that gives you permission SLEEP WHEN AND WHERE YOU CAN, HONEY BUNCH! ;o)
    =================
    Jules - LOL. Ok, since you didn't elaborate I'm guessing your bathroom snooze was induced by something you'd rather not mention in front of the whole world? ;o)
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    Sandra - OMG! Crazy is right. I'm just glad you didn't hurt yourself in the process. Umm.. perhaps you and Jules have a secret in common?? ;o)
    =================
    Brandi - Aren't kids just too cute when they are so tired that they can doze off anywhere! xoxoxo
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    Dragonstar - LOL! I never would have pegged your for a Loo Snoozer! You are right about it being a haven, but only IF your kids are grown and you don't have dogs who worry that you might be hoarding food in there! Otherwise, it's just one more door to be banged on or scratched at. LOL.
    ================
    Tammy - Go ahead. Be selfish. It's a huge ego booster for me! ;o) I really need to get over there soon. I didn't even know Em was sick. AACK!
    =================
    Robin - ROFL! Add the visual of Jabba the Hut with blonde hair and glasses sitting on the toilet with her .. ummm.. HIS underwear hanging from his knees and you might just have a winning campaign there!
    ROFLMBO!!!!
    ================
    UTMom - I have this irrational fear of getting addicted so I tend to not even take them as prescribed unless I ABSOLUTELY have no other choice. I just don't like that out of control feeling they induce.
    ===================
    Angelawd - Oh I SOOO know that feeling. I swear, the next time I go in for surgery I'm gonna tell 'em just to give me a good shot of the big V and save me the cost of an anesthetist!
    =====================
    Elizabeth - I snore like a freight train and tend to fall asleep anywhere I sit still for more than 10 minutes. It's so bad that I just tell whoever is working on me (hairdressers, dentists, nail techs) that if I start snoring just punch me and I'll wake up and stop! LOL!
    ===============
    Kristi - Thank you! Me too!
    ===============
    Elizabeth - YAY! THANK YOU! Now if I can just convince the rest of the blogverse to dump that stupid word verification thing I will have accomplished one of my life goals! ;o) I'll see soon.
    ================
    AZ - I'm having to take it slow because every time I try to get too busy that charliehorse starts creeping back in. I have a feeling that before long I'm going to have to demand tthat they do a thorough study to see why.

    I'm glad you got a kick out of my silliness. I'm gladder that the rest of you didn't catch LB's crud.

    ****************

    Thank you all so much for your prayers and kind words, but thank you especially for making me not feel like such a goof for the potty snoozing!

    I love you guys! You are the best!!

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  16. Keep getting better
    Do you have a padded toilet seat?
    too funny
    I guess you got lots of sleep this week too.

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  17. Can't remember ever falling asleep on the ole seat, but when I had my teeth extracted, can we say Oxycontin?? Yeah. Glad you are better. Margie

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  18. I learn so many new vocabulary, today, "Watermelon" speaking of a new born, "On the john" I think I got it,plus the name of a few drugs (it can be useful), but I don't really understand "charliehorse". Is that a kind of illness condition? Think about your foreigner readers, Damama! You're on the International Web. Like we say in my country : you play in the school playground of the olders! ;)
    Glad to read you feel better. Welcome home.

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  19. OMG..... WHEN did you put the cat up? I love it!!!
    And what did you do to/with the squirrel?

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  20. Angela - Unfortunately, no padded seat. Well, other that the one I carry around with me all the time. ;o)
    ================
    Margie - I'd be afraid to try Oxy! Vicodin puts me out big time. Can't imagine how long I'd be gone with Oxy! LOL!
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    Catherine - I used Watermellon as a way of providing a humorous image for my readers. We don't usually call baby watermellons. ;o)

    A charliehorse is just a really bad leg cramp. You are right, I do need to remember the global community! I forgot just how popular I am worldwide. (slight gagging noise) ;o)
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    Jules - I figured you'd be one of the cat lovers. I just decided that Hunker D needed a short vacation. I'm sure he or some of his friends will be back soon. LOL!

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WELL HOWDY!! Thanks so much for popping in to leave a note. PLEASE be sure to check the box by "E-mail follow-up comments to..." so that you'll get my response to your comment. I almost always respond personally And sorry for making you do the Word jumble mambo. I wish there weren't A***ole spammers running rampant in the blogverse!

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