If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Saturday, April 26, 2008

Update on My Girl

As promised ...

In the week before the oblivion we spent a lot of time going to appointments with her doctor, counselor, probation officer. We also picked up applications at every place we thought might be willing to hire a 16 YO. The end result of it all is that:

1. The PO agreed not to put her back in lockup as long as she is working, attending GED classes, and following all her court orders.
2. SHE GOT A JOB! YAY! I am now the proud parent of a Kroger bagger/basket pusher.

At home she alternates between her traumatic ages (3, 8, & 10) and being a normal snot-nosed bratty teenager determined to move out on her own as soon as she can get enough money together to pay for her own place. I handle the latter much better than the former.

It is getting harder and harder for me to deal with her regressions because I know that if she doesn't decide to get a handle on them soon they will interfere with her job and probation status. Nobody in the outside world is going to put up with a kid her age throwing an 8 YO tantrum when she doesn't get her way.

Did you ever hear about the time when the speaker at a preachers' conference asked folks to stand and tell everyone their favorite bible verse? Well, this old, rugged, gray-haired preacher stood and said, "I've lived a long life. Been at the pulpit for more than 50 years. In all that time I've learned a thing or two, and through all I've experienced I've held onto one phrase that is repeated over and over: It came to pass." All the other younger, smarter, better educated preachers just stared at him. Finally, the speaker broke the silence when he asked why on earth he'd chosen that particular phrase to hang onto. The wise old preacher replied, "In times of trial it keeps me strong because I know the good book said that it came to pass, not that it came to stay."

That's kind of where I am right now. Hanging onto the fact that it came to pass. That God has a plan for her and for me, and He's not going to let it stay this hard forever.

I leave you with a few of my favorites of late:

Joshua 21:45: Not one of the good promises which the LORD had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass.

Psalm 105:19: Until the time that his word came to pass, The word of the LORD tested him.

Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest. ~Karen Savage and Patricia Adams, The Good Stepmother


  1. The quote on adolescence....way too funny!

    And the story of the preacher and "it came to pass"....someone told me exactly that this week, too. So true, so true.

    Sounds like she's trying. Well you know, sorta. lol.

    Hang in there. We all love ya. ;)

  2. Oh yes! I do so agree about adolescence! If parents can survive that they can survive anything.

    I do so hope things go right now. You could really do with some stability. And we all want out children to be able to get on with their own lives.

    As tammy says - we all love ya!

  3. I welcome the empty nest already! I welcome it! Bring it on, PLEEEEASE!

    Five teenagers and four more to go...

    I like Romans 8:28: All things work together for the good for those who love God.

    You're my hero, Damama.

  4. That's great that she got a job. Hopefully, this will be a good learning experience for her.

    I put a picture of our wedding party on my blog. I haven't found one of Jon and I alone. I don't think we have one.

  5. Here's to hopeing it passes very quickly! I'll be praying for her self control and your continued patience!

  6. I am so glad you posted an update on her because I was going to log in here and ask you about it. I hope her job goes well and that the regressions become fewer and farther between.

    I live by that this too shall pass phrase myself.

    big hugs!

  7. And one day at a time too.
    Good news

  8. Prayers continue for your family. God willing your girl will step up to the plate at work and in classes. Have a good day.
    Pax, Elizabeth

  9. Stay Strong Damama ... even kidney stones PASS. love, amomthing

  10. I like Mathew 11:28. I am a visual person and the thought of Jesus right next to me, pulling my burden along with me (easily)always comforts me.

    Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

  11. "It came to pass"...I love it! I'm thinking that myself some days. In fact, I have an example of why I want to be an empty-nester over at my blog: www.angelawd.com

  12. You have such a positive and uplifting outlook. I'm sure your daughter senses that in you, and that you are not giving up on her, or expecting anything less than success. Stay strong and I'll keep your family in my prayers.

  13. Tammy - With each passing day that quote becomes more of a reality for me! Yes, she is trying... VERY TRYING! ;o)
    Dragonstar - I'm beginning to wonder if it would be easier to just pay for an apartment for her to live in.... I know, that's not being a very good mom, but DANG! There's GOT to be an easier way to live!
    Kalynne - hero? Thank you, but that scares the dickens out of me... FOR YOU! If I'm the best thing you have to look up to in your life, you are in serious troubl, honeybunch! ;o)
    Brandi - OOO! Wedding pic! YAY! Something pretty to look at as opposed to the room from hell that is spilling out into the hall because the door won't even close.
    Debbie - Oh THANK YOU for the prayers, but could you please specify that God not keep TRYING me to see if I've got it yet?? LOL!
    AZ - The regressions better get fewer soon or they are going to have to lock ME up. I swear there is someting in me that cringes every time she starts acting like spoiled rotten 8YO. And worse yet is that Hubby lets her get away with it. GRRRR! Time for another family counseling session before I bonk them both!
    Angela - Mostly one minute at a time.
    Elizabeth - I think she's going through that devil at home / angel in public thing. She seems to be doing OK at work. Well, she says she's doing OK. I have no way of really knowing. Thanks for the prayers. :)
    Robin - When my son was missing for weeks at a time I used a visualization of me picking him up and placing him in God's arms. It's the only thing that got me through some very long and scary nights. Thanks for the reminder about that verse.
    Angelawd - Today was one of those days I wish it said, "it came to fly by" because passing just seems like such a sloooooow process! I'll be over soon. xoxo
    Heather - Oh, right, rub my face in the fact that several times today I wanted to throw up my hands and scream TO HELL WITH IT!!!! and the only positive and uplifting thing I wanted was to positively grab her butt and uplift it right out the door. LOL!

    Thank you all for your support and for letting me vent here where it's not quite as detrimental as it might be elsewhere. You are my lifelines right now, and I love you all for being here for me.

  14. We are praying that things will get better for you.

    God sure must think highly of you since He only gives you what He knows you can handle.

    Glad your back from Oblivion also! But, I really wish you would have written something while you were there. No doubt you would have had us in stitches.

  15. Ill keep you all in my prayers. Im glad that she has a job and seems to being doing well and I am really happy that your feeling better and back online!

  16. "It came to pass"

    Thanks for this - it's exactly what I needed

    I sure hope that everything with your girl will work itself out. The teen years are hard enough without all that other stuff going on. I'll keep you - both of you - in my thoughts.

  17. AMomThing - Can't believe I accidentally skipped you in the last set of responses! Sorry.

    Yes, kidney stones pass eventually pass, too. I actually had one earlier this year. So I can attest to the fact that the do so LESS PAINFULLY! LOL!
    Lisa - Thanks, sweetie. I can definitely identify (on a much smaller scale) with Mother Teresa when she said "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish
    that He didn't trust me so much."

    During my oblivion period about the most coherent thing I could muster was, Huh? wha.. OW OW OW!! At least now I can look back at it and laugh. ;o)
    Brandy - Thank you. Her being employeed is nice except that I have to get up at 6:00 because they have her scheduled for a7:00 start time. As everyone here knows, I DON'T DO MORNINGS!!! So it is P.A.I.N.F.U.L. for me to have to drag my rear end out of bed to take her. So please add a prayer for strength for me to endure this, too! Thanks.
    Melody - I'm glad you found that phrase as helpful as I have. Thanks ofr the good thoughts and wishes.

  18. Your comment reminded me of a hymn I used to like to hum during trying times called Child of Promise. My favorite lyrics are in the third verse:
    God's you are, from God you came.
    Back to God we humbly give you...

  19. Have ou see this before? By Yoland Adams......

    In the middle of the turbulence surrounding you
    These trying times that are so hard to endure
    In the middle of what seems to be your darkest hour
    Hold fast your heart and be assured

    This too shall pass.

    Thanks for sharing about your girl. I was wondering and worrying about her. Good to know that she is doing well at work, even if she is driving you round the bend.

    If it helps at all, I read a article in Time a while ago about the teenage brain. It said something to the effect that...... emotions are in one part of the brain, and the ability to control them in another. Until kids reach about the age of 22 the "controling" area/part is quite small. And this is the reason why teenagers have such a hard time controlling their emotions and even seek out strong emotions to feed that part of the brain. Then when the "controlling" part grows they are much more able to take control their out-of-control emotions, so to speak. So apparently, there is a "why that is so", but not a "how to change it" to think about.

    Best of luck and (((hugs)))


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