If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Saturday, February 2, 2008

Scenes from an Airport

Edited 2-16-08 to correct typos that were driving me batty (battier??) Sorry if you got one of those pesky notices.

I ended up flying home Thursday night because I was needed more in Houston than in Dallas. My Southwest Airlines flight was scheduled for 8:30, but the person who was taking me to the airport had someplace else she had to be at 7:00, so we went early. When I arrived at about 6:15, I figured it’d be a simple thing to jump on an earlier flight and make it home to Hubby all that much faster. Wrong. The place was packed. Because of the nasty weather in the Midwest and other places, there were flight delays at almost every gate.

The schedule looked something like this when I was finally called to board the 9:00 flight:

Scheduled - - - - - - -Actual
Takeoff Time - - - Departure Time
6:00 - - - - - - - - - - - - 7:45
6:30 - - - - - - - - - - - - 7:20
7:00 - - - - - - - - - - - - 7:00
7:30 - - - - - - - - - - - - 8:50
8:00 - - - - - - - - - - - - 9:45
8:30 - - - - - - - - - - - - 10:10
9:00 - - - - - - - - - - - - 9:00 <--ME! YAY!! 9:30 - - - - - - - - - - - - 11:25

Since it was only 6:45 by the time I got through security, and my flight wasn’t going to take off before 9:00 at best, I decided to kick back and do some blogservation, the results of which I now proudly present.


Man on phone with significant other: “I DO love you. But... Honey... I... Yes, I’m at the airport, the flights are... No, sweetheart, I didn’t get here late on purpose. The weather is... But... (now yelling) OK, YES, I HATE YOUR MOTHER AND I’M PAYING THEM TO HOLD THE PLANES JUST SO I DON’T HAVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH THE B*#$%!!! ((Click. Bzzzzzz.))”

He then turned to his female companion, put his arm around her and said, “And you wonder why I’d rather spend time with you??” ((smooch, smooch))
Two men, a gynecologist and a plastic surgeon (info gleaned from their conversation), talking to a yuppieish, well dressed and impeccably groomed mid-30s couple:

Ms. Prettyuppie: What would you say is most challenging about being a doctor today?
Dr. Gynoman (laughing): Fat women. They gross me out.
Dr. Niptuck: I agree. I mean, I don’t mind working on the ones who come in after losing a lot of weight and need reconstruction and tummy tucks, but those fatsos who just want their boobs reduced or the guts sucked so they can go back out and re-gain it all and ruin my work really piss me off! If I could get away with it I’d charge them double.
Mr. Prettyuppie: Fat people are just lazy. I won’t hire them because they spend too much time in the break room hitting the vending machines!

At which point I leaned up from where I had parked my 230 pound lazy fat back side behind Dr. Niptuck and asked if I could have their business cards so that I could pass them out to all my other hippo friends in order to avoid ever bothering them with our grossness. I never knew that the human body could produce the color of deep purplish red that simultaneously appeared on those four faces. I just grinned and said, “Be careful what you say, folks. The next person might take your BS personally. As far as I’m concerned, none of you are worth me getting upset over. Y’all have a nice flight, now, ya hear?” And I moved on to another observation spot.


Ticket agent 2 seconds before she turned around to see me standing beside the counter and one second before she slapped her hand over her mouth: “What the f*** do they want us to do, pull planes out of our asses?!?!”
Confused passenger to ticket agent 2 seconds before he noticed that there was a little girl standing there watching him wide-eyed as she waited for her father to finish talking to another ticket agent: “How the bloody hell can it be f***ing possible that the G.D. 6:00 plane is going to take off 45 f***ing minutes AFTER the 7:00 flight?? Do you f***ing people have a clue about how to schedule this G.D. sh**??”

Little girl’s daddy, 2 seconds after Mr. F-mouth shut up and 1 second before he realized what he just said in front of his daughter: “Watch your f***ing mouth and don’t take the Lord’s name in vain around my kid!”


Sitting at McDonalds grabbing a bite to eat next a mom and her three little ones: a baby and two boys...

Mom to Big Brother (BB) just before baby spilled her drink: Sit still and quit swinging your legs like that before you kick somebody.

2 minutes later...

Little Brother (LB): Waaaa!!
Mom: What’s wrong?
LB: He kicked me!
BB: I did not!
LB: Yes he did! You wanna see the spot?
Mom to BB: I told you to stop it. Now you have early bedtime when we get home, and apologize to your brother!
BB: BUT...
Mom: BB, you want me to add no WII this weekend?
BB to LB: OKAAAYYYYY. I’m soooorrrrryyyyy.
Mom to both: Sit right here while I go get some more napkins to wipe up baby’s spill.
As Mom heads off with baby on hip, LB smirks at BB and says: "See. I towd you I would det you back."
Little girl talking to her daddy on the phone in restroom stall: “Yes, Daddy, I’m being good, but Mommy has a big boo boo on her hiney and it got blooded on her unnerwear but it’s OK ‘cuz she gots mergency big banaids in her purse and she said she’ll feel better when we get home and she can lay down wiff my doll.”
On the plane (on the way to Dallas), Ms. Skynanny passing out the traditional peanut packs asks a dad (not the same one as at the ticket counter) if he wants some nuts.
Dad: Yes, please.
Ms. Skynanny to little girl (about 3 or so): How about you, sweetheart?
Little girl (very loudly): No, thank you. I’n a girl. I have a GINA.
At which point the dad spit a mouthful of nuts all over the back of the seat in front of him.
On takeoff heading home:
Boy (about 5): I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: You’ll have to wait until the seatbelt light goes off.
Pilot upon clearing some major turbulence: Ladies and Gentlemen, it looks like we may be rocking and rolling most of the way into Houston, but it looks clear enough right now for me to be able to turn off the seatbelts sign...
Dad to boy: You ready to go, buddy?
Boy (coloring wildly with a dark colored crayon): I don’t have to go now.
Dad: You sure. This may be your last chance.
Boy (giving Dad a weird look): I ‘m sure.

When it came time to deplane, the boy started crying softly with his head hung down and didn’t want to leave his seat. That’s when his parents finally figured out why he no longer had to go to the bathroom. Mom started to say something but Dad stopped her. Then his daddy gently picked him up, wrapped him in a blanket and carried the sad little man off the plane to the first men’s room they found. The last I saw of them was while I was waiting for my bag. They were leaving, little man in clean clothes, dad and son hand in hand. That little boy was looking at his daddy like he was a bigger hero than Superman, Spiderman, and Batman all rolled into one. I thought, Now that’s how a real man does “daddy”.

All in all, it really wasn't a bad time. The vast majority of people and kids were quiet and well behaved. I was truly amazed that the staff didn't lose it a few times, but there was one ticket agent who really impressed me. She never once lost her beautiful smile. I never once heard her complain or snap at a customer. I was so impressed, in fact, that I'm plastering her picture here for the whole world to see. I'm also going to see that the folks over at Southwest know how proud they should be of her.

Thanks, Tameka #72665, for being an example of the kind of person we all hope to get to deal with in such stressful times.

When times get hard and you think you are going to lose your mind with the hassle of it, take a minute to stop and look around. Among the chaos there can always be found a little bit of wisdom, a little bit of love, and a whole lot of humor. You just have to be willing to focus on something other than yourself for a minute in order to see it all.

Peace, Blessings, and Blue Skys for all of life's flights.


  1. Those are some great conversations and comments you picked up on. The nuts one had me LOL up here on the PC!

    Glad you got home safe and sound!

  2. I'm glad you found something to do during your long wait. Your post brought a big smile to my face.

    Hmm...I think those four people will think twice or at least look around before they insult a group of people again. I'm not sure I would have had the guts to confront them. Way to go!

  3. Damama, you are the BEST! The blogservations are hilarious, sure...but to post the picture and your compliment of a deserving airline employee on the internet: priceless.

  4. Glad you got home safe.

    I love the airport for people watching. Especially when its raining and/or bad weather. Thats when the people REALLY show themselves.

    And thats awesome that you asked for their business cards. That sounds like something I would do.

  5. Super daddy was my favorite. Thanks for leaving the best for last!

  6. I lvoe to people watch and eavsdrop. It can be very entertaining and educational =)!!


  7. AZ - Glad you got a good laugh. Hopefully you weren't eating anything too gross when you blew! LOL!!

    Actually, to be completely accurate, that particular exchange took place on the plane on the way TO Dallas. It was what gave me the idea of listening in on more conversations when I had the time!
    Brandi - I actually surprised myself. I think that all the support and encouragement I get here in the blogverse, plus the fact that it would be something GREAT to blog about gave me the guts to pop off like that! LOL!

    PS - Can I tell you again that I REALLY like those books you are putting together!?!
    Kalynne - I'm so glad you liked that. I always try to praise at least as often as I criticize, and what better way to do it than with a tool this cool!
    Jennifer - I've always loved to observe what people do in their natural habitats. Now it's cool to be able to share the stuff I think is really interesting with all my blog friends! People in my live life are so used to me being goofy that they just ignore me now! LOL!

    thank you so much for taking time to come over here and check in! With all you have going on, I am truly honored that you'd squeeze me in!
    Deb - You're welcome! I'm a big believer in saving the best for last. Unless it's desert and then sometimes it goes first. And last. ;o)

    I wish I could have gotten a picture of those two. It was a truly amazing moment.
    utmom - I didn't even put in all the stuff. All of it would have been way too long and probably a bit more educational than would be right for here!

    thank you all for stopping by! I'll see you soon! xoxo

  8. I spent over 7 hours in the Newark airport last night and didn't have ANYTHING nearly as interesting happen. Either I need to pay more attention, or the people in Newark are way too boring. I tend to think the latter.

    Glad you're home, safe and sound!

  9. ROFL!!! What a bunch of great stories! The daddy in the last one deserves man-of-the-year award.
    Lovely picture of your smiling agent, what a delightful smile she has.
    Welcome home. I hope all's well with you and yours.

  10. Are you serious? You could write a book just sitting at the airport!

  11. HI-larious. thanks for the laugh. you just CAN'T make this stuff up...my favorite was the nuts comment...allison

  12. Thanks for the smile and for your comments. I certainly have been MIA for too long, I'm trying to get caught back up!


  13. Baby's Mom- I probably walked 5 miles between gates 7-15 at Love Field. I bet people thought I was nuts because I'd spy someone, or a group of someones who looked interesting and then sit there for a few minutes, and if the conversation was boring, I'd move on to the next target. I got some really interesting, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, LADY looks! But, HEY! If the paparazzi can lurk and look, why can't bloggers?? LOL!
    Dragonstar - He certainly does deserve an award. Like I told someone earlier, I WISH I'D GOTTEN A PICTURE OF THAT!

    And isn't Tameka's smile beautiful. I'm betting it's just a reflection of who she is inside.
    Michelle - Wouldn't that be a funny book! Maybe I'll just start hanging out at airports all the time and go for it! Too bad you have to buy a ticket to get back to where the real action is! LOL!!
    Allison - You are right about that! My favorite was the little girl on the phone telling her daddy about mommy's boo boo and how she thought mom needed "my doll" to feel better! Kids are just too cute!
    Kathy! Hey, sweets. YOu've got so much on your plate right now that I'm honored that you took the time to pop over to say hi!


  14. I loved this post! So funny.
    You can learn so many interesting things while eavesdropping.
    I used to work with a girl who could read lips. One time she watched a few co-workers having a conversation across the room and was able to tell me all the rude things they were saying about us.

  15. Grrrr....now I'll never be able to get another "Well Woman Exam" again without wondering if my doctor is cringing with "the willies" after I leave. I never would have had the nerve to confront them! That's why I thank God there are people like you who do! I love the entire post though! I think I would have been driven to let the mom of the three kiddos know that her younger boy was pullin' a fast one!

  16. So does this make you the Blogerazzi?

    Cool stories, and I would have been laughing just watching you move from conversation to conversation. Now your secret is out!

    Cool accolades too, by the way, I am sure that Tameka appreciated it. You did tell her what you were doing, right? :-)

  17. I used to love that show AIRLINE and I could not believe how people acted at the airport!

  18. Damama, you need to read my poem, "Festival of Slights". It deals with the whole F-bomb thing. I'm with you.

  19. I just spit coffee out all over my desk I was laughing so much at these! Thank you - I needed that.

    Good to catch up with you and thanks for always keeping me smiling, hopeful and on track.

    Your blissy,



WELL HOWDY!! Thanks so much for popping in to leave a note. PLEASE be sure to check the box by "E-mail follow-up comments to..." so that you'll get my response to your comment. I almost always respond personally And sorry for making you do the Word jumble mambo. I wish there weren't A***ole spammers running rampant in the blogverse!


Related Posts with Thumbnails