If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Important Notice from the DTD

Contagious Neck Rash Identified by Dumbbutt Teenagers Department (DTD)

(Illustration only - not an actual picture of this particular outbreak)

Houston, Texas (September 9, 2008) - Damama T, Zookeeper and Warden President and Founder of the DTD, today issued a health alert to the parents of all teens. The DTD has uncovered a potential health threat to teens as evidenced by a recent and unexplained outbreak of Purple Neck Rash syndrome in the home offices of the DTD. The malady seems to primarily effect females between the ages of 17 and 18 and usually appears after bouts of exertion such as going out on a date. While males may also be effected, the DTD has not yet seen any first-hand cases.

In an effort to stem the spread of this unsightly and often painful disease, Damama T has issued official warnings to the male most recently in contact with the DTD's resident disease carrier citing the need to refrain from applying any oral pressure to the effected area thus causing further spread of the rash. Doing so could potentially result in the parent's need to take whatever steps are necessary to contain this outbreak, up to and including indefinite quarantine of the afflicted teen.

Any parent observing Purple Neck Rash syndrome should use extreme caution when examining the discoloration as the teen carrier may exhibit signs of excessive agitation. Continued attempts at examination may incite the patient to bellow that the examiner is "out of your flipping mind and too stupid to know what you are looking at! IT IS JUST A RASH!" Additionally, upon learning that the DTD intends to notify the boyfriend other potential victims of the appearance of the rash, the teen may lose total control and resolve into a fit of the hysterical screaming mimis. Parents should not take this behavior personally as it is a normal part of the progression of the disease.

The discoloration will resolve on its own within one to two weeks, usually leaving no permanent scarring, but this does not mean that the patient has acquired an immunity to the disease. Reappearance of PNR is not uncommon as teens tend to regularly cross-contaminate each other. However, with any luck the fear of future extended quarantines may provide enough behavior modification to reduce the number of outbreaks.

For additional information on why teens do what they do, the DTD highly recommends that parents read: Teenage Brain Development. This scientific article has played a huge role in the reduction in the number of murderous thoughts experienced by the staff of the DTD. Hopefully it will help others, too. (For real.. no joke. Go read it!)

Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest. ~Karen Savage and Patricia Adams, The Good Stepmother


  1. Ugh! Maybe I shouldn't ever let my girls date!

  2. OMG that is too funny. I love the part about the teenager getting "aggitated" if you want to examine the "rash".
    Can I borrow this and send it in an email to some moms with teens who will appreciate this very much?

  3. Stop scaring me. I had a few of those outbreaks as a teenager myself. Thankfully I don't have them anymore!

  4. Great! I needed a good laugh this morning (and I can afford to - mine are no longer teenagers and I only have one male at home!!!)

    I love that quote about adolescence. Dunno about preparing parents to welcome the empty nest though - it had me begging, and on my knees, too!

    I'm off to read your link now.

  5. Ha! Just read that.

    Now try telling your adolescents that they're not mature.

    I'm SO glad mine are grown!!!

  6. Oh, good gracious. A "hickey". I've always hated those things. :) Margie

  7. That's an interesting and hilarious way to describe a hickey! LOL

    I, too, would like to copy & email(giving full credit) if you wouldn't mind! :)

  8. VERY cleverly thought out and written. I like the quote you used at the end, as well. :)

  9. Where my mom grew up, a pimple was called a "hickey" can you imagine how I felt when I was in the middle of an acne break out and my mom would comment on the "Hickey" on my neck?

    In public.

    This was a funny post, I love how you wrote this!

    Strangely enough, my son is turning 13 tomorrow, and yesterday I wrote a post about his brain.

  10. ROFLOL I LOVE your post!!! You know that was one thing I never got when I was a teen. I thought it was nasty!! LOL

    Update on Busy Boy on my blog. Thanks for the call yesterday. It means a lot and helped too!

  11. This syndrome has been around forever. I do remember it going around my school when I was a teenager. In fact, I may have had it a few times myself. Although, in retrospect, I don't quite understand how I let myself become exposed. It really is quite dumb.

  12. OMG! I think I had that disease once!

    Teenage Brain Development...now that's an oxymoron!

    angelawd: the writer gets the last word

  13. Brandi - LOL! Don't we wish it was that easy!
    Vanessa - Actually, "agitated" was an understatement... I cleaned that one up for my more sensitive readers. ;o)

    You can absolutely email it to friends. If you will look down at the bottom of the post there's a littel picture of an envelope with an arrow on it. If you click that it gives you a way to email the post easily. Thanks for honoring my by sharing!
    Debbie - ROFL! So if YOU had them you know they are not life threatening. Sanity, yes, though! LOL!

    And may we who are still suffering in the throes of the agony of teen hell collectively just say 8-p**** (that's a big, wet, loud raspberry!!) LOL!
    Margie - LOL... they are gross! I dumped several guys for evey trying!!
    TK - I actually DID call her boyfriend and tell him about this horrible rash she had that he might want to avoid... LOL! He's a good guy. He laughed. Then apologized. She was mortified! LOL!

    Feel free to use the email button as I described to Vanessa. And thanks to you, too!
    Goldenrod - IKE IS COMING!!!! RUUUUNNNNN!! ;o)

    Seriously - glad you enjoyed it. Stay safe!
    Jill - OMG! How horrible would that be!! Remember it, though - you may need it as a humiliation tool with your 13 yo. As in: If you don't straighten up I'm gonna point out your hickies to all the girls in your homeroom class!
    AZ - Glad to give you a laugh. I know you need all you can get right now. Hope things are getting better. xoxoxo
    Val - Did you go read that article on teen brain development... it explains (excuses!!?!?!) a lot of the stupid things we did back then. LOL!
    AWeD - Isn't that one of the best oxymorons on the English language!! I'd love to hear the storie of how YOU got infected! LOL!

  14. LOL! This was hillarious, but too true. Hopefully, I have a few years left before my children experience this "rash."

  15. I don't know how I missed this - I read the ones before and after...

    This is the funniest thing EVER!!!

    I am embarrassed to admit that I may have been inflicted with this particular disease once or twice in my younger years, but now that I'm the mother of teens, I will be remembering your words of wisdom!!

  16. Okay, visuals are important to me.

    So how come nobody has asked you if that picture is her "rash" or something that you just happened upon on the net?
    Tell me it's hers and that you had to sneak into her bedroom in the dead of night to snap the picture. C'mon. Do tell.


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