When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started...
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver, who happened to be a little person, got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and, right or wrong, some things just seem funny? Well, this was one of those times. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started...
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He said, put another log on the fire. And then the fight started...
LOL!! Sorry guys (as in male readers), I really couldn't resist. And we do owe a huge debt of gratitude to all of your buds (not YOU, of course!) who so unwittingly give us gals such great blog fodder! Without it, none of us would be laughing right now!
TTFN!
Soooo funny love! I'm not much around at the moment - daughters both visiting and "talking for Ireland" all day!
ReplyDeleteI loved the one about the social security. My weekly morning ritual is to take the paper, coffee and reading glasses to my husband in bed and wake him up by rubbing my fingers through the hair on his chest. I woke him up one morning, doing my ritual, and told him that story. I don't really think he saw the humor. :) But I did. LOL Margie
ReplyDelete"I took her to a gas station" Hahaha *snort*
ReplyDelete"took her to a gas station".....hee hee. Ain't that the truth!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading these, a great way to start the day. :)
Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs! Since you got all caught up on your awards, I figured I'd bog you down again. I just use it as an excuse to make you stop by. :)
ReplyDeleteHope all is going well for you!
Those are hilarious! Although, I can't watch videos at work, so I'm marking your post to look at it when I get home tonight...
ReplyDeleteStill, the jokes were good ones!
Ha!!! Disability... I can see why that wouldn't be funny to a man :) Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteLOL Good to see you posting again! I've missed you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs. We could all use some.
ReplyDeleteLoved it!
ReplyDeleteThere is award for you on my blog
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Yup! What a great way to start the day. :)
ReplyDeletevery funny stuff. Oh I got around to updateing my blog today.
ReplyDelete