My Girl is 5 today!

Dear MG:

Wow! I cannot believe that it has already been five years since we stood in front of the judge and vowed to become a family. I'm still not sure you really wanted to make it legal. You had such hopes of somehow being able to live with your little brother. (I'm sorry we couldn't make that happen for you. At least we've been able to maintain contact and see him a few times a year.) I'm so glad you you didn't back out at the last minute; that somewhere deep inside you knew that in this family you would finally have a forever home.

What a rocky road we've had. You came to us so hurt by the life you'd already led. You were one angry, bitter, and often mean and cruel little girl who had built tall and thick walls around her heart to avoid being hurt anymore; who used emotions like a poisonous snake uses venom to paralyze anyone who dares get too close. But there were tiny slivers of cracks through which your true self shone so brightly that it was almost blinding. In those moments, when you let down your guard, Daddy and I saw a beautiful, loving, delightful spirit that we knew we had to free.


Now here we are, 6-1/2 years into our relationship, on the 5th anniversary of the day we finalized your adoption. It hasn't been easy, kiddo. There have been times when we wanted to turn tail and run for the nearest exit. But then we'd notice something miraculous: The cracks in the wall had widened a little more. With each catastrophic event came new insights. With each major blow-up came more cracks. With each heart-breaking, gut-wrenching setback came a few more steps toward you finding yourself.

Today, I can honestly say that there are more holes than wall. More and more the true heart of the little girl I fell in love with shines through.

My sweet little Girl, I want you to know that we have never stopped believing in you. No matter how hard things got, your dad and I have never (for more than a minute or two) been willing to give up on you. And we never will. And, until you can start believing in yourself enough to stand on your own, we will believe enough for you and be there to help you stand. Together, we will tear down the rest of the bricks and free that beautiful, loving heart for good and ever.

Please remember, honey, that you will not always be 17, with 17-year-old angst, hormonal upheavals, and fluctuating brain function . One day you will be a woman with an open and secure heart. And though I will ALWAYS be your mother, I will not always have to mother you. I look forward to the day when my daughter becomes a woman whom I will be honored to count among my best friends.

I love you, you sweet, ornery, uplifting, disheartening, insightful, stubborn, delightful pain in the butt. Thank you for being mine.

xoxoxo

Love,

Mom

Wall Photo Credit: Jonathandes