If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Monday, February 23, 2009

ADvrD or What was that again?

My sons are mad at me. Well, not really mad. More like annoyedly amused. For all the years they were growing up I flatly refused to pay for cable. Why should I? We had 6 perfectly good free channels including our local PBS broadcast. They didn't need to be spending any more time rotting their brains and eyeballs in front of a television anyway; they already spent enough time on video games. Besides, there really wasn't that much more good stuff on cable!

Excuse me -- Errrr... Waitress? May I please have some ketchup to go with this large serving of crow? Thank you. OK, where was I? Oh... Never mind. Moving on.

Back in June I was so fed up with Comcrap's excuses for why my Internet connection was down all the time that if I hadn't feared giving myself a black eye ala Groovin Granny I'd have jumped for joy when I learned about AT&T's new U-Verse service! I got even more excited when I realized that for the same price I was paying for Internet for two computers I could get three computers AND cable TV. My Scroogy heart nearly burst. Then I also learned that one of the receivers would come with a DVR. I really had no idea what a DVR was. Oh, I'd heard people talking about it but, again, what was the need? We had a perfectly good VCR. DUH, PEOPLE! Just how much electronic gadgetry does one household need?

Excuse me again -- Umm, Waitress!! Where is that ketchup? I cannot eat THIS MUCH CROW dry! GAH!!!! Anyway...

So they came and installed everything and I fiddled around with the new box long enough to figure out how to record a couple of things. Cool. Then I found more things that looked interesting and scheduled them to record. And.. oooo.. series! I can record whole a series with just a couple of flicks of my thumb?? And I can watch stuff later without rewinding. And I can fast-forward through commercials and hit play as soon as I see the show back on and the DVR automatically jumps it back about 5 seconds so I don't have to sit there doing the forward/backward tango to keep from missing the first two sentences after the break? OH. MY. FREAKIN. STARS. IN. HEAVEN!!! Closest I've ever come to to the BIG O with all my clothes on.

I was extolling the wonders of the DVR to a friend when she said, "you know you can pause live TV, too, right?" I laughed because I'd been caught up in one too many of her warped little mind games. Turns out she wasn't messing with my mind! YOU REALLY CAN PAUSE LIVE FEEDS!

Phone rings? PAUSE
Dog needs out? PAUSE!
Gotta tinkle? PAUSE!!!

And then it got better when I realized that not only could I pause, I COULD REWIND! Live shows. Feeding in right now!! I CAN REWIND IF I MISS SOMETHING!!

And that's when my real problem began... I developed


Almost over night I totally lost the ability to concentrate on any one show for more than 5 minutes at a time. Why should I? I can rewind to catch what I missed. Right? WRONG! The problem is that it has spilled over into my live life! And not everything has pause and rewind capabilities. Like the radio. Nope. Not there. I've given up on even trying to listen.

And people? Did you know that most people have tolerance for a maximum of three requests to repeat what they just said before they finally give up and quit talking to you? I do. I've proven it several times now. I think at this point it could actually be considered scientific fact.

So, if we are in the middle of a conversation and I don't appear to be paying attention it isn't my fault. And if I fade out or change subjects in mid-thought, I can't help it. I have a disorder. And I'm sure that somewhere at this very moment some medical lab is working on a pill to help me control it. Until then, I'll just have to......


  1. This is SO funny. I think you've hit on a real syndrome here. It will be in the medical journals soon. You should get credit. You will be famous. You will not hear the accolades because you'll be zoned in on something else. Too bad for you. You were almost famous there for a minute.

  2. Ooo, you are getting soooo technical! I don't even understand the remote! Though, now I come to think of it, that's probably because I don't care about TV and very rarely touch the remote!!!

  3. I love my DVR, it is the best thing to happen to my TV! I'd be more lost without the internet though. You made the story so funny though, I think many of us suffer from ADvrD!

  4. I.DON'T.UNDERSTAND. You are just too technical for me. Good to read that you are at least still alive and kicking. I was beginning to wonder. :)

  5. So was this the reason that you haven't posted for a while?
    I've recently discovered hulu.com. I can now watch my favorite shows on the computer, and I don't even need to worry about setting up a DVR.

    I probably shouldn't have told you about that.

  6. You are so funny, I dont have a TV so I dont have Cable, but online you can pause and rewind everything so I know how you feel, I found myself listinging to the radio yesterday, and I missed something only to find that they dont make a rewind button for the radio.. Yet, I'm sure they will do that soon.

  7. I can't tell you how many times I've been listening to something on the radio and missed something so I start to grab the remote to rewind. Oh yeah, it doesn't work like that. Worse, I have a couple cable boxes that don't have the DVR in them. I almost hate watching tv on them. Yep, I'm a junkie, too.

  8. I think I should be thankful that U-Verse isn't available here, yet. I wouldn't want to be more, uh distracted, than normal. :)

  9. ROFLOL nice to see you posting again. We don't have a DVR but I really want one. :-) We do have cable though...I'd die without it LOL

  10. Damama, turn off the tv and continue blogging.

    A Loyal Reader

  11. That is so funny! I think I have that too! I always get frustrated when I can't rewind the radio. And I have no clue about whats going on with commercials cause I dont watch them. Live tv? What's that? Hmmmm..... love my DvR yep love love love it!

  12. Hey there. Hope you got my email. I posted an update on my son on the subject of that email that I think you will find uplifting. Email me if you have no clue what I am referring to. LOL

  13. Lynne - HUH? Sorry, I zoned out for a minute there. ;o)
    Dragonstar - LOL! I really don't care that much about TV as such, but the science, history and discovery stuff is great! I'm so addicted to Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe it's pathetic! If I didn't love Hubby so much, and if Mike didn't smell so bad most of the time... mmm mmmm mmmm!! LOL!
    Kathy - Hi sweetie! I'm afraid that my DVR addiction has caused some problems with my internet/blogging addiction. Obviously I'm sleeping too much!
    Margie - I'm alive. Not kicking too well, yet. But I am alive. LOL! Don't worry, it'd take a lot more than what I've had to keep me away forever! xoxo
    Jilly - Mylhibug told me about hulu.com I went over there once and had to RUN FOR MY LIFE! It almost sucked me into it's delicious oblivion. I have to have some boundaries, ya know! Or sleep less. ;o)
    Gracie!!! NO TV???? O.M.Friggin.STARS!! How do you survive with little ones and no one-eyed sitter to occupy them? You had my respect before. Now I'm in awe! LOL!
    Debbie - We are definitely kindred spirits in the DVRverse! Don't you have 2 DVRs? I soooo envy you!
    Roger (Mylhibug!!) - U-Verse is just AT&T's version of cable TV. It has all the things (and more) Comcrap has but NICER PEOPLE WORKING FOR THEM!
    AZmom - DVR is a must with those busy kids of yours. How do you ever keep up with anything? I even record the news so I don't have to waste precious viewing time on commercials.
    Robin - Yes, Ma'am. I'm going to do better. Shooting for at least one a week. Even if it's something stupid. Oh, wait! Most of it is something stupid! LOL! ;o) Thanks for not giving up on me. xoxoxo

    As a matter of fact, THANK YOU ALL for not giving up on me. XOXOXOXOXOXO

  14. Rolf, that is halarious.DVR is fun.You've taken the first step (admiting the problem) now for the second you must put the remote down . LOL.


  15. Oh, I've GOT to get me some of that.

    Obviously, you're not the last person in the world to adopt new technology. You're the second-last.


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