If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Thursday, June 12, 2008

Intimidation is its name. Taming it is my game.

Isn't it strange how we can let our head get in the way of our heart? Maybe you don't have this problem. If not, YAY!! But ever since the bottom fell out of my world (again) on Mother's day, even though things are much better now I haven't been able to get my head out of the way! I've fallen into this depression thing and every time I try to put fingers to keys, my head screams, "WHY DO YOU EVEN TRY?? You obviously can't keep your own world straight, why do you think you can make a difference in anybody else's??" My fingers freeze and my head decides it would just be easier to go play a game than to agonize over something wise and witty to say here.

I read all the blogs that I love so much and the words are so alive, insightful, and delightful that I feel small and incompetent by comparison. My head says, "Now THAT'S someone who can contribute something to the greater good. And look at all those great comments. Who are you to add you own banal thoughts to theirs?" And so I read, and smile, and send up my prayers, and laugh, and cry, and encourage in silence - a lurker too intimidated to push my mind out of the way and allow my heart to speak.

Then yesterday I took my Girl to a counseling appointment. The psychologist said "Listen to your mother, she loves you and is very smart about this stuff. You guys never leave here without ME having learned something from HER." My mind screamed, "HUH?? Sure, lady." But my heart had already spoken, so my mind hadn't had a chance to shut it up.

Back in the lobby the receptionist asked my advice on how to handle a problem in her relationship with her boyfriend. "How did you and Hubby make it for 27+ years?" That's an easy question for me to answer and so I shared. And she said, "Wow, you should be writing an advice column." My mind screamed, "HUH? what tha..." but it couldn't finish it's thought because my heart had found its voice and was singing too loudly for my head to be heard.

One of the things my heart told the receptionist is that when it comes to fear and anxiety you have to NAME IT before you can TAME IT. If you can't put a name on what is bothering you, there is NO way you are ever going to be able to deal with it effectively. It is how our marriage has survived. It is how I have survived.

Suddenly, in that moment, my head realized that in order for me to get my blog back on I was going to have to NAME my problem here in the blogverse. So here I am, proclaiming my indimidation: My fear that sharing my never ending rollercoaster of a life with you will make you turn away because NOBODY has that many problems so you might think I'm making it up. Believe me, I wish I was.

OK - so now I've named it. Hmmm, it's not so big and scary here in print. I can't promise that I will post every day - I've never done that anyway. I can't promise that I will go back and comment on every post I've lurked on over the last month or so. But I can promise that I will be better at letting you know when I'm around from now on. I can promise that I will get back to piecing together some sort of literary intelligence out of the puzzle that is my world on my more normal couple-of-times-a-week schedule.

In the mean time - here's your takeaway from this project: 1. Whatever you fear can control you. 2. If it goes unnamed, it will grow, untamed.

Wishing you Peace, Blessings, and the strength to face your fears.


  1. welcome back damama! missed you. allison/amomthing

  2. Glad you are okay. Hey, we all have problems. :)

  3. Welcome back, I have really missed you. Why is it that thinking about a problem is almost always worse then just dealing with issue? And more importantly, why do I have to learn that over and over?

  4. I'm sitting here with tears welling up. I can't believe somebody has already read this...

    Allison - Thanks. I've missed you, too. I hope that last fish is still hanging in there! ;o)
    Kristi - Thank you. I know we all have problems, I just start feeling like a whiner sometimes. I HATE whiners! LOL!
    Robin - I'm glad to be back. I guess that the thinking about the problem thing is kind of like the monster in the kid's closet: awfully scary until the light gets turned on. Maybe we could figure out how to keep the light on all the time?? LOL!


  5. Darling, I'm sitting here cheering! You're a wonderful woman. Just listen to your heart on this and ignore your head.
    OK, we all need to keep in touch with our heads - they are necessary - but in general our hearts know what's going on. Your heart is particularly good at this.
    I need to remember what you've said here. Name it and tame it is excellent advice.
    Welcome back my love!

  6. Amen!! Fear is a booger! I know you will be able to know it on it's tushy!!

    Glad you're back.

  7. I'm glad you are finally back, and leaving your advice. Alot of us think that we have so many problems that no one will believe them. I even wonder if I have so many problems... well, will people wonder if something is wrong with ME.
    Skud just happens to some of us. I sure don't know why. I like to think that I'm not complaining or whinning. I'm just Kvetching.
    Welcome back!
    Oh, and you write so much better than lots of us do. Keep it up.

  8. Yay! You're back!! I kept checking and checking and worrying. I'm so glad to see you again. And your words are like a warm and sweet friend to all who read them. Never doubt it.

    ((((Hugs)))) and welcome back!

  9. Yay, Damama's back!

    I haven't been able to check on you today until now. Our long week is almost over. I think I'll put a do not disturb sign on our door Saturday so no one comes knocking on our door. The kids and I will probably sleep in until lunchtime. lol

    I wonder, is blogging a way for you to work through your emotions? Perhaps you should post more for yourself and less for us. After all, you need a break and this is your blog.


  10. Atta girl. Welcome back. I haven't forgotten you. And I have been praying for you. Our pastor preached on fear a couple Sunday's ago. It's Satan's way of keeping us from being/doing things that are for the Lord and others. Love you, Margie

  11. So glad your back!
    I enjoy reading your posts, ups, downs and all.
    Been praying for you, and I'll continue to pray that your able to keep those fears tamed!

  12. I could just hug that psychologist and receptionist! I am so gald they helped you see that you DO have something to offer. I think most people that read your blog understand that every child and situation is different! What works on one child will not always work on another. Put into the mix special needs (whatever they are, be it a physical diagnosis or a child who has been neglected and hurt much of her short life) and even the most seasoned parents will have trouble. My Peanut is a perfect example of that. Often I feel like I am starting over and that I have never raised a child before.

    I've never met you and I probably never will in person, but I love ya. I was thrilled to see your post in my reader. It took me a couple days to get to it because I wanted to give it my time and attention. I knew it would be good.

    I'm so glad you will be back to commenting on occasion. I have missed your input! When I wrote a post on June 2 about my friend's on-line parenting magazine Root and Sprout, you were one of the first people I thought of. You would have wonderful articles for her magazine. Please consider it. She needs people like you to submit articles that know what life is all about. People who breeze through parenting with mild mannered children don't have near as much to contribute as those who have had road blocks! You GET it!

    I'm sorry this is so long. Sending you great big cyber hugs and praying for you and your family. :)

  13. BTW, I have more bling for your sidebar over at my place. Please drop by and pick it up. As Mamarazzi of Dandelion Wishes would say: You. Are. Welcome!

  14. Dragonstar - I'm visualizing you in a cheerleader skirt with pompoms! LOL! Thank you for the kind words and unfailing behind-the-scenes encouragement. You are such a treasure!
    Melody - Thank you. I'll have to keep up the fancy footwork to KO this booger - he keeps getting back up!!! ;o)
    Rosebud - OH you are SO right about the fear of people thinking that maybe YOU are the problem. It's human nature to think that. Thanks for the kind words about my writing. You are so sweet. xoxo
    Jules - I was sitting in the car waiting for the liquid gold to finish pouring into my tank when I read your comment and your email. They made me cry so it took a minute or two extra for me to get back to the pump. FYI You now have a lady in Centerville, TX, mad at you for making me hold up her precious progress. ;o) Of course, she's mad at me too since I wouldn't let her rile me with her angry rudeness. HA! Some people's kids!! LOL!
    Brandi - Good luck with the Saturday hibernation! If you are lucky, right at this moment you are still snoozing snug as a bug in your comfy bed. More than likely, though, you are cooking breakfast after having been rudely awakened by the loves of your life. ;o)

    About the working through emotions thing - Sometimes blogging helps - more often, though, it's the imparting what I've figured out to others that helps most. I'm a more of a centerstage sort of person than I usually like to admit. Sadly, I need the positive feedback to keep the momentum up. Hence the fear that I might do something to make you all go away... Dumb, but true. The weirdest part is that I have NO fear of sharing all this stuff OTHER than that people might think I'm full of bullpucky and making it up... It is (just) one of the things that I'm still working on. That's what life is all about, though, isn't it: a work in progress. xoxoxo
    Margie - I know you haven't forgotten me... but you might have thought I'd forgotten you. I didn't. Did you notice my latest SMILE!! Thanks for hanging in there with me. Your emails ALWAYS brighten my days. xoxo
    Lisa - Thanks for the prayers. I've been praying for you and the pirates, too. Hopefully your house will sell soon.
    Debbie - Another one who made me cry. I love ya, too. And some day, some how, we all HAVE to figure out how to meet for REAL hugs. I will definitely chech out your friend's magazine. I'd love to contribute if she think's what I have to say will help anybody else.

    And more goodies for me??? I'll be over to check it out in a little while. xoxoxo

  15. Was your post 10:49AM your time or my time?

    If it was our time, then we were finished with breakfast and scattered all over the house.

    If it was your time, then we were probably eating lunch.

    You were right, the little loves got up earlier than I would have preferred. While I tried to get them to go back to sleep, I was working on gathering information to put together Froggie's and Birdie's reports for their evaluations. They don't test well so I have to go an alternate route with them. The kids have basically finished their school until August, but I still have homework. Ugh!

  16. YUK! Me in a cheer-leader outfit? Now that you don't want to see!!!

  17. Darling Damama!!!
    Thanks so much for helping me out last week when I know you have such a platefull. I'll drop you an e-mail to let you know how we are doing...things just keep getting more fun!
    You are a blessing to many, even if we have never met in person. God Love Ya!
    Pax Christi, E

  18. I'm back to check on how you are doing. But........
    where's the cat? Wait. Don't tell me. He ran off to play with, or is it eat, that annoying...... uh....... sweet little squirrel?

  19. What a wonderful post! I agree with you...name it, then tame it. It sounds like a lot of people turn to you for advice. That is so flattering! It's so nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by and saying hi.

  20. I always get excited when I see you read my blog and even found it worthy of a comment! Thank you for that it's motivation to keep writing my crazy stories.

    I needed your inspirational words today, life's getting hard and too close to deployment right now. Keep it up!

  21. Damama, see this friends's net! Jules told me you were back! Even without having met each others we act like good old friend :"Hey, Damama, has came back in our favorite shared place, come and see her".
    Damama, do you think I have no doubt myself about writing in my blog? Do you think my head isn't wondering: "Stop writing , who do you think can be interested in your daily life, your so called humoristic posts, told in bad english? Are you at this point out of reality to imagine american bloggers enjoy your mumbo jumbo?" That's what my head says, but my heart advice me to continue, because I enjoy it, myself I mean. So I listen to my heart selfishly, and make my head keeps silent. If people are not interested in, please don't come, don't read, don't comment! But I 'll keep writing, posting picturesof my family, of skies, even if it can seem useless.
    Concerning problems that you're surrounded by I would never imagine that you're making it up! But you can't help, Damama, someone who's not yet ready to accept your help! That's powerless challenge, a consideration you can't change, even with the better will.
    Otherwise, you can be helpfull to others, those who are explaining their mind, their pain, their problems in their blog, that's exactly what they're waiting for.
    So, today, for once, Damama, let us help you with all our heart, speaking with you, with KIND words even if they're badly found, they come from our heart. And tomorrow or later, we'll be at your place, and we'll wait for you to help us in turn. With this wisdom your heart gets and sometime your head doesn't let it get out.

  22. And I forget to tell you that I love your tittle. It must be said.

  23. I came by to thank you for your kind words about Small Town Saturday Night. Since I now know you don't like first person writing, I'm doubly pleased. Since you like ghosties, I would suggest you go to archives and check out Midnight at Evanhurst.

    Love the Howdy. I moved away from Dallas 5 years ago, and still miss Texas. Especially the restaurants, not the gridlock.

    I've read several of your entries, please continue blogging, I'm going to subscribe. Besides, blogging is good therapy for depression.

    Thanks again,
    B. Roan

  24. I am SOOOO glad you're back! I'm not exaggerating or sucking up when I say whenever my troubled teens have me beaten into the dust, I stop and think, "What would Damama do?" And then I smile and get up and try again to show them what unconditional love means.

  25. You know how much you have personally helped me in my life but I am going to put it in type here anyway. Never ever think we don't love reading your blog. I have MISSED YOU!

    Good to see you back and please keep me updated, okay???

    Big hugs!

  26. I'm so glad you are back! ;)

  27. Brandi - it was 10:49 my time. You poor thing - even on the day you plan on vegging, you have to slave. I think you need to take a Mom's day out trip - TO HOUSTON! ;o)
    Dragonstar - Aw, come on - I bet you have just the right earings to go with that cheerleader outfit!
    Elizabeth - I'm sorry things aren't working out. I'll be glad to get an update. You guys are still in my prayers.
    Jules - You guessed it! The cat got tired of waiting around and took off to find something more fun and interesting to do. LOL! You so siiillly! ;o)
    Rhea - I am blessed that so many seem to think I have something to offer. And it's always nice to meet another Texan blogger. I'll be back over to your coral soon.
    Army Brats mom - I LOVE your crazy stories. They remind me a lot of raising my nutso boys. Hugs, my friend. I can't imagine how hard it is going to be to let go. xoxoxo
    Catherine - Oh, my sweet, sweet friend. Your 'mumbo jumbo' always make me smile. Thank you for such a warm and sensitive comment.
    B. Roan - I'm so honored that you popped in. I have LOTS of family in Dallas; was just there last Thursday and Friday as a matter of fact. But I wouldn't trade your small town for it on any kind of a bet! See you again soon!
    Kalynne - OH KALYNNE! Please, suck up all you want! ;o) But believe me, some days you DO NOT want the answer to what I would do... especially today. ;o) Hang in there - As the good book says - And it came to PASS. xoxoxo
    AZ - It's good to be back. I have missed all of you so very much. Stay tuned - more updates to come.
    Tammy - me too. And now you are all STUCK with me... kind of like the stray dog you feed out of pity... heh heh heh. ;o)

  28. You are a great writer and I learn from your posts and your comments on my blog. Please stick around in the blogosphere. It would be dull without you.

  29. Heather - Thank you. I may not be around ALL the time, but I'm here whenever you guys need me. Thank GOD for email!!


  30. Sometimes I think that I will just not make it through another "event".. it seems that it has been one after another for about 7 years... it started with the rape of my 16 year old daughter... and I think... "What I wouldn't give to actually sit down and get bored... to have nothing that needs done, no child in a situation of despair,(all grown, but they're still my childrn) and no problem that needs to be addressed - learned from- lived through - fixed - prayed about - figured out."

    Then I remember, just as it seems that you do, that He promises Peace that passes understanding - peace in the midst of all that junk that just keeps happening to me and getting me all worked up until I remember.. and I thank Him for the opportunity to experience His peace so that those who don't yet know him, will see that He is bigger than my problems... and theirs too! and yours as well!

    YAY God!


WELL HOWDY!! Thanks so much for popping in to leave a note. PLEASE be sure to check the box by "E-mail follow-up comments to..." so that you'll get my response to your comment. I almost always respond personally And sorry for making you do the Word jumble mambo. I wish there weren't A***ole spammers running rampant in the blogverse!


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