...doesn't mean it won't hurt.
My Girl has been accepted back into the National Guard Youth Challenge Program. We will be leaving tomorrow to take her to West Texas for orientation. Then we will be dropping her off in San Antonio to stay with her other family until January when the program officially starts.She and I have somehow lost our ability to be in the room without sniping - or worse - over the last couple of months. We are both to blame, we both hate it, yet neither of us has a clue where to start to fix it. The best solution for now is for her to be elsewhere.
While I won't miss the daily cat fights, I will miss the beautiful heart that shines through now and then. I will miss the rare moments of light-hearted companionship. Even few and far between is better than nothing at all.
Truth be told, right now I feel pretty much like a failure in the Mom department. Why can't I just ignore her continual passive-aggressiveness? Why can't I find a way to teach her how to stop it?
I know that this is just part of the process she needs to go through to get to where she needs to be in life. I just wish it didn't hurt so much -- this struggle to accept that things didn't turn out the way I thought they would when we adopted her.
One day, with the grace of God, she will be grown and independent, and we will be able to look back and laugh. For now,
Peace, Blessings, and Pass the tissue box, please.
(((HUGS!)))
ReplyDeleteI know how much it hurts, we just had Melanie decide to go into a Residential Treatment Center, she is 18, but just made it in with teens, not adults, but it has so far been a positive experience. I miss her like crazy, but we have not had one problem. Our calls and visits have been like a dream. I am thinking like you, once she matures and in her case becomes more stable with her illness, we will have that close connection again. I miss it, and her.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. Big, big hugs.
Cheryl
Sometimes we have to stand back and let our kids figure it out on their own. We have to let them fail. I know you know all this, but sounds like you needed a little nudge of a reminder. You are an awesome mom and recognizing when you need outside help is what makes you so good at it.
ReplyDelete**Hugs**
HUGE HUGS!!! I hope that things settle down for you. I've missed chatting with you :) Hang in there. Have a safe drive to TX. I wish you and your daughter peace and happiness. I know it is so hard when things don't turn out like you expected. We go through that with BB too.
ReplyDeleteDarling, you're making me cry. You, with your wisdom and insight, can still beat yourself up for something that is not your fault. It's just how things are right now. That does not mean that you have to pretend to like it, but neither does it mean that it will always be this way.
ReplyDeleteA break for both of you is good. I know you'll worry - and still blame yourself! - and I know it won't be easy for her. But if she gets through this it will do her the world of good, and your relationship will improve after a time apart.
Hugs, love.
Big hugs! You're doing the right thing!
ReplyDeleteYou and me both, honey...
ReplyDelete