If you can't make it better you can laugh at it. ~Erma Bombeck


Thursday, December 6, 2007

Christmas Wish

For the past few days I’ve found myself becoming more and more anxious about this Christmas season. I’m at once excited and terrified about the impending visit from my son and daughter-in-law. Daughter-in-law. That still sounds so strange to my ears. He’s not old enough to be married – in my heart he’s still my Bug. My, quizzical, delightful, insightful little boy. One of my best friends. The one person on this earth in whom I can confide my strangest dreams, oddest fears, and weirdest experiences, and know that I won’t be ridiculed or mocked. I know; he’s 28. He’s not a baby anymore. But he’s still my baby.

Lady N, Bug’s wife (another phrase that still sounds odd), is so much like him that it’s almost as if they were separated at birth. I am truly looking forward to getting to know her better. But it’s hard to get to know people when they live 1000 miles away. I’ve called to speak specifically to her on several occasions, but I always feel like I’m interrupting something much more important than a mere conversation with her mother-in-law. NO – it’s not anything she does or says. I know that it’s ALL ME. I have this irrational fear of becoming “that woman” in her life.

Uncharacteristically, I find myself weighing each word that comes out of my mouth. Then I spend a stupidly agonizing amount of time after hanging up doing a post-mortem on the conversation. Was I too intrusive, bossy, or insensitive? Did my tone convey caring or manipulation? Did I cut off the conversation so quickly that she might think I didn’t want to talk to her? Did I talk too long instilling a dread of future calls? In my old age is she going to look back on this conversation and use it as the basis for my nursing home selection?? Like I said – irrationality to the nth degree!

So now they are coming for a week. They will be here from the 23rd to the 29th. During that time they plan on visiting some of Bug’s friends and seeing some sights. I know I won’t be included in the friend visits. There’s only one I’d like to go on, anyway. But how about the sightseeing? I’d love to go with them, but at the same time I don’t want to get in the way of their fun time together on their vacation. I remember what it was like to be young and in love and want to share new experiences only with my husband. I wouldn’t have wanted my mother, let alone my mother-in-law, trekking along all the time. But now I’M the mother. And I want to spend time with my son. I’m being selfish. Am I allowed??

I found the following while I was flipping through some YouTube videos as I sat here pondering these thoughts this morning. I’ve always loved Amy Grant. I was a fan of hers when we were both kids – me in my normal teen world, her in her phenomenal entrée into music stardom. Her song, My Grownup Christmas Wish, has always been a favorite. But I never heard it like I saw it today.

Grab a cup of coffee or your favorite form of cold caffeine and a box of tissues and settle in for the next 5 minutes. I promise it will not be wasted time. Now hit play. Go ahead. I’ll wait for you.

Kassandra’s Christmas Wish

Have you dried your eyes yet? It took me a while.

This was a major and much needed reality check for me. Suddenly my concerns about a visit from a son who loves me and the woman who loves him seem so glaringly insignificant and I am ready to get back to the business of making my home ready to welcome them.

I close wishing us all the Peace of relief from irrational fears and the Blessing of a family who loves us -- warts and all.


  1. My kids are now wondering why Mommy is crying!! I was doing okay until the picture of the young boy being presented the american flag. The boys face is more than I could take. He looks like he is trying to be so brave.
    Thanks for the reminder of whats important.

    I bet you are a wonderful Mother-in-law. I remember it being weird for me at first with my MIL. You both have to figure out your relantionship. Now we have a great relationship. I talk to her all the time.

    Have a great day!


  2. Hi Christina. Isn't that the most moving thing you've seen in ages. I've watched it about 5 times now and have cried every time. I wish I had the money, I'd buy a 5-minute national TV spot and have it played every hour.

    Thank you for the encouragement. I truly want to be a good MIL. The relationship rules change so drastically, though, with the change from girlfriend to DIL. And not just with the woman, but with your son as well. I'm glad you and your MIL found the balance that I so dearly want. I may be asking for some advice before long!

  3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0

    Loved the video! Have you seen this one?

    P.S. MOMMY is forever!

  4. Great video, and good luck in your new MIL role. ;-) I'm sure you'll handle it well, with the sense of humor you exhibit on these pages and on Dragonstar's site where I found the link to you. Cheers, Mardé

  5. My BIG TOM!! Hi baby! Thank you for jumpin in here! It's so good to hear from one of my semi-lost lambs. I sure do miss ya! Email me and tell me how the new job and Kate are doing. Love ya!

    PS: Loved the video- thanks for sharing.


    Seev / Madre' - Thanks for the kind words! I look forward to seeing you back. I already went and found your blogger blog - not much there! LOL!! Gonna go look at the other'n. See ya soon!

  6. Reality check it certainly is.

    Being a mum never seems to stop being hard. None of mine is actually married, but four are in steady relationships. 1st and 2nd sons live within reach, and their ladies are lovely people. Meeting them for the first time was sooo scary though! And it's so very hard to leave them to eachother.
    1st son's lady had a still-born 8-month baby girl last March (on the poor wee mother's 21st birthday) So hard to stand back and leave them to comfort eachother - this was MY baby hurting!

    Things seem to work out fine. If you get on OK with your kids, you should manage their partners too. At least, i hope so!!!

  7. Dragonstar - I'm always so glad to see you! It feels good to know that I'm not alone on this eggshell walk of MIL-hood!

    I am so sorry about your grandbaby. I know your son and his lady were hurting, but all too often the grandparent's pain is minimized. You were hurting for two of your wee ones. I wish I'd been there to hold your hand. ((((great big bear hugs))))

  8. I know exactly how you feel in analyzing words, actions, everything. I want to show my best to the world and I'm always wondering whether I've said or done the best thing! But...just the fact that you are so worried about it shows how much you care about them. And that you want them to have a good time at your home - which is the whole point of the holidays. I'll pray for you guys!

  9. Have you told your son and dil how you feel? Some communication now could save all parties from frustrations and misunderstandings later. Tell them what you told us here and I'm sure you all can find a comfortable balance. Don't assume they know. They are probably just as nervous as you are. I remember being a new dil, it was all new and strange.

  10. Brandi - that's a great idea. I just have to find the right time and the courage to do it. I'm also gald to hear that there's also some agnst on the DIL side. Hopefully Lady N and I can find our balance and become friends. Thanks for your input!

  11. You're welcome, damama t. I hope I didn't come off sounding rude. I clicked the publish button and then realized that I didn't even leave a salutation.

    Merry Christmas!


  12. LOL Brandi! Believe me, love, if I thought you'd been snotty, I'd have called you out on it! I don't much get the idea that that's a dominant part of your nature. And the fact that you'd worry about it shows I'm right! xoxo :o)


WELL HOWDY!! Thanks so much for popping in to leave a note. PLEASE be sure to check the box by "E-mail follow-up comments to..." so that you'll get my response to your comment. I almost always respond personally And sorry for making you do the Word jumble mambo. I wish there weren't A***ole spammers running rampant in the blogverse!


Related Posts with Thumbnails