SATURDAY GIGGLES: Employee of the Month

Got this from my very cool friend, Jules, whom I miss like crazy.

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EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything-under-one-roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?' The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin.' Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says 'one'.

The boss says 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says '$101,237.65'.

The boss says '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishin’ and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing...

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An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won't let him do it at home. ~Author Unknown

Have a great weekend!

Happy Birthday to Meeeeee

Yep. Today is my birthday. And it has been a really great day. What a total difference this year was from last year when I thought I'd been forgotten!

It started off at 12:00 A.M. with Hubby getting out of bed to come into the office and give me a hug and a kiss and deliver his rendition of 'Go Mama. It's your birthday. We gonna party like it's your birthday' (ala 50Cent) accompanied by a totally cute butt-waggy dance. He had me cracking up! And thanking God he doesn't own a speedo!

After he went back to bed, My Girl came out of her cave and gave me a beautiful card and this tealight candle holder from her and The Boyfriend.

It says, "Mothers are special and so kind... touching lives with tenderness, warmth, and love combined." I have seen these several times and always thought they were beautiful and secretly wished one of my kids would give me one. Yay for birthday wishes come true!

I was awakened this morning by a text message from my friend, Tanya, telling me happy birthday and offering to buy me breakfast.

Before Hubby left for work he gave me a wonderful card. As usual, it made me weepy. He always makes me feel like the most special person in the world, but on my birthday he finds cards that speak such love and faith that if they were all I got all year it would be (almost) enough. I am so blessed to have that man in my life.

For lunch, My Girl took me to Olive Garden where we had salad and shared a lucious piece of the heaven they call the Black Tie Mousse Cake. After lunch we spent a little time shopping. While we were at Kirkland's I admired this and she bought it for me!

Here's what it says up close:

Isn't that wonderful! I'd never heard that before. It so perfectly fits the way my life has gone that if she hadn't bought it for me I'd have done so for myself, but it wouldn't have meant nearly as much as having her spend her own hard-earned money just to put a big birthday smile on my face.

When we got home I had an email from Bug containing a gift certificate to Kiva which is a website where people can go to help out small businesses by lending them small amounts of money. It's called microfinance. Bug very thoughtfully gave me money to give to someone else. Isn't that the coolest thing! I just love that boy. He knows my heart so well.

Tonight, Hubby took me out to The Chart House at the Kemah Boardwalk. I am so glad Ike didn't blow it away! Otherwise I wouldn't have had lobster and key lime pie for my birthday dinner. Calories don't count on your birthday, do they?

Throughout the day I've received cards, emails, and text messages from all over the place. I even received a phone call from Lady T all the way from The Netherlands. Plus I just finished a call from Twig.

I must tell you, though, that the most welcome present I got all day long came from ME! I've spent most of the last month talking about turning 53 (or 40-13 as a friend of mine prefers to say). This morning I was thinking about how quickly the years have passed and how I don't FEEL 53 in my head when it dawned on me... I was born in 1956 which means I TURNED 52 TODAY NOT 53!! How much better can it get to gain a whole nother year to live. Now if I can just find the check-out girl at Wal-Mart who told me last week that I looked good for 53. I wonder if she'll think I look good for 52, too.

Peace, blessings, and may all your birthday wishes come true, too!

7 Things Meme or You can recycle, too.

Brandi over at O.W. IN G.S. tagged me for a 7 Things Meme. Since I did one about my life's trivialities HERE and another eight HERE with its follow-up HERE, I thought I'd do something a little different. Then I saw Debbie Yost's post about FINALLY signing up for recycling services over at the Three Weddings headquarters, and had the bright idea of presenting:

7 THINGS FOR WHICH I FIND USEFUL REPURPOSES

1. Dry Cleaner Bags - These things are much stronger than one might assume. I tie a knot in the end the coat hanger sticks through, pull bag inside out with the knot on the inside, and use them for all sorts of things such as:

-- kitchen trash bags
-- sort dirty clothes - each bag holds exactly one load of laundy as long as I don't stuff them so full I can't easily grab a handful of wadded up bag with which to drag it to the laundry room (OK, so now you know that I wait until nobody in the house has anything left to wear before I do laundry. Sheesh! I always tell on myself!)
-- bag recyclables so the nice men can tell easily which bin to toss stuff into
-- wet clothes bags for the kids that come swim in the summer (I let some of the neighborhood kids use the pool sometimes. It is fun having some laughter in the yard again, plus they are less likely to mess with my Halloween and Christmas decorations if they like me!)
-- rebag potting soil
-- bag grass clippings and other green yard stuff so the nice men can tell which bag to grab when they roll by in the Green pickup truck
-- emergency rain jackets - Just widen the coat hanger hole and pulling it over your head. They squish down so small that you can keep 2 or 3 in a gallon zipper bag under the seat!
-- throw pillow stuffing - If you have enough of them in the casing they don't flatten out and they regain their shape almost immediately so no plumping! Plus, little kids love the soft crinkly sound they make. (Plastic shopping bags work, too, especially if you mix some in with the dry cleaning bags. Cut off the seams, though, or they make sticky lumps.)

2. Frozen Dinner trays, and plastic or Styrofoam take-out containers

-- drawer dividers - These come in so many sizes and shapes that I had fun puzzling them together to make drawer dividers throughout the house. Now I can open almost any drawer and find exactly what I'm looking for. (Just DO NOT open any closet in my house without shielding your head in case of an avalanche!)
-- plant trays - put your plant in one and it not only keeps all the water from running all over your tables, but it also helps keep the plant hydrated because it can soak back up excess water runoff caused by letting the soil dry out too much between waterings. (WHO? ME?? Noooo not meee. I would NEVER be so cruel to poor defenseless plants! Umm, excuse me while I go find a saw to cut off this horrible nose growth thing that just sprouted from my face!)

3. Pantyhose and/or Knee-highs

-- stretch easily around water faucet handles to clean the junk out from under and between them that my big fat fingers can't reach
-- stretch wonderfully between the bolts holding the toilet seat in place (Those of you with little boys know what a nasty job that can turn out to be!)
-- fill with potpourri and/or leftover melted candle wax (you know how good that stuff still smells sometimes!) and stick in the back of a drawer or closet, or under the seat of your car (In the summer either put it in one of the Styrofoam containers or just forget the wax for the car fresheners. Believe me, it makes a mess if you don't!)

4. Old pillows make great reinforcement for saggy couch cushions. Just unzip the cover, slide them in and smooth them out on top of the existing foam and re-zip 'em. (There are some other things I use these for, but it'd take too long to explain it here. I'll do a post on some of my other interesting uses of old pillows later.)

5. Medicine bottles - We have sooooooooooooo many of these things laying around that I have actually run out of stuff to use them for! In them, I've stored:

-- nails
-- straight pins
-- push pins
-- paper clips
-- change
-- extra Rolaids in each purse and every car (danged reflux!)
-- buttons
-- baby powder (Empty spice bottles also work great for this because they have the little plastic holy thing in the top. See how deftly I slid another thing in here. heh heh heh!)
-- mints & gum
-- toothpicks
-- eye drops (you know, the single use kind in plastic tubes with tops that come off if you sneeze in their direction, so they end up empty when you actually need one to put a contact back in!)
-- other stuff that I'm too brain dead right now to remember

NOTE: If you want some pill bottles to use for anything, please email me. PLEASE! I'm drowning in the dang things because they are not recyclable and nobody wants them. Hubby says to throw them away, but I JUST CAN'T! AACK! It's become my obsession to find new uses for them.

6. Coffee filters make great water retention wads in potted plants. If you have roses, you can even sometimes leave the grounds in them to give their buds a little boost. Just rinse them out, wad them up, and stuff them down in the dirt or save up some to use the next time you have to re-pot something.

7. Styrofoam sheets - I save a few of the ones that come as packing material so I will have them to:

-- easily display my jewelry - I glued ribbon around the edges and then used the extra to make a hanger. Now I can see all my earrings and necklaces at a glance.
-- make cheap and easy treatments for small windows. Fabric, straight pins, and a couple of nails sticking out of the wall are all you need to dress up a small window without having to spend a fortune. This is the valance in my laundry room. I wanted to dress it up, but had no desire to spend money to do it. I had this left over from another house but no rod, so I used a sheet of Styrofoam instead.

-- add height to items displayed on top of my kitchen cabinets because roaches LOVE 'em some cardboard but not Styrofoam. There are lips on top of all my cabinets that everything disappeared behind. A few blocks of Styrofoam saved the day!

-- decorate and use in my curio cabinet to raise the items in the back for easier viewing. (You can cover them or brush on paint, but I wouldn't use spray paint because it tends to melt them! And that stinks. Horribly!)

OK. That's it for now. I love to hear what creative things you do to recycle stuff around the house.

Peace, blessings and HAPPY RECYCLING!

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST FOR Keep Believing

Angie's family is in need of prayers. Brian has Stage IV brain cancer and, unless God performs one of his miracles, may not live to see the new year. I have spent the last year being completely amazed by the love, strength, and courage of this family.

I am asking that you help those of us who are so touched by this family cover them in a world-wide blanket of love and prayer. Please take a moment to pop over to Keep Believing and let her know that you are joining the world in prayer for her family. Then take another moment to pass this request on to everyone you know. If you have a blog, please post this prayer request there.

This is not one of those "if you love Jesus" kind of requests. I have my beliefs and I honor yours, whatever they may be. I only ask that you pray to whatever higher power you believe in. No matter what religion or faith we espouse to, we all know that the god in which we believe can do miracles. And this family needs one. Now.

Note: If you would like to receive this post as an email that you can forward, email me and I'll send it to you. You can also click the little yellow envelope at the bottom of this post to open an email form and send it to yourself. However you need to do it, just DO IT NOW, please. This family has no time to waste.

Peace, Blessings and, as Angie always says, KEEP BELIEVING!

Word Verification Game

Jillybean over at Thou Shalt Not Whine has come up with a really fun game you play with the word verification characters that some mean people make you trudge through bloggers have active. Some of the stuff her readers have come up with is great. Go check it out HERE and add your own if you get anything cool. Be sure to also check out one reader's definitiion of "paticapt," too! LOL!

Have a great Thursday.

Either way, it's all good...

The there are those who say I was overly worried and wrong to think that people would act out. I prefer to believe that our prayers for peace last night and today have been answered. Either way, I'm good with it because the bottom line is that everything turned out alright.

The outcome was no huge surprise. I am actually thrilled that so many turned out to have their voice heard. And heard it was! Wow! Even though it didn't go the way I thought it should have, I respect the process even if I don't respect Obama. That, he has to earn through his actions, not just words.

Congratulations to all the winners of last night's race. May you go forward with pure hearts and end your journey with clean consciences. Now THAT would be change we could all get behind!

Peace, Blessings, and That's it for my political commentary. FOREVER. Maybe.

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And now for just a wee but of post-election fun. Hubby found this last night. I just HAD to share it. (If you haven't seen it before, be sure to watch all the way to the end!)

As Erma Bombeck says, “If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”



Somebody had entirely too much free time on their hands! LOL!

Choose Peace

Carl Sandburg said:

Choose.
The single clenched fist lifted and ready,

Or the open hand held out and waiting.

Choose.

For we meet by one or the other

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An now for what I have to say.

I fear our world will change dramatically on Tuesday. No matter who wins this election, there will be those who cry foul and express their disappointment violently. No matter how the losing candidate's camp pleads for calm and rationality, there will be those who choose riot and imprudence. The world we awake in on Wednesday morning may be a very scary place for a while.

I pray to God that this feeling in my gut is wrong; that our children will not have to suffer because of the stupidity of adults who cannot accept defeat graciously. Or worse, cannot accept victory graciously.

I pray that regardless of which side wins, we don't all become losers in the process.

I pray the winner's supporters accept victory with grace and calm.

I pray the loser's supporters bow out with dignity in diplomatic acceptance.

I pray that the change that so many are clamoring for is not heralded by menace and mayhem regardless of who brings that change.

I pray that each of you takes time to pass on a prayer for peace, whether it's this message or one of your own. No matter what higher power you believe in, now is the time to call on it for strength and wisdom for all. In the days to come, this country will need all the positive energy we can muster.

Peace, Love, and

Paying it Forward

AZMom is participating in a pay it forward plan. I signed up and now I am paying it forward. Let the fun begin!

HERE ARE THE RULES: The exchange focuses on doing an act of kindness without expecting anything in return other than that the recipient will, in their turn, pass the kindness along and pay it forward in their own way.

This is how it works... I am going to agree to send something fun, inspiring or uplifting to the first 3 blog owners who post a comment on this entry (please leave your e-mail address if I don't all ready have it.) In turn, those three will post this information and pick 3 people they want to send something to and so on. If you are interested in participating, be one of the first 3 blog owners (or for me, commenters, even if you don't have a blog!) to leave a comment!

The little something you send can be something you made, bought, were given or found. No biggie, just a gift that will make the person smile. Maybe something unique from where you live? There are no cost restraints, but don't go crazy! If you'd like to join in, leave me a comment so I will know you are playing, too. And please promise that you will then post about this on your blog, link to me, and then send something to the first three people who sign up to play along through your blog. Remember that kindnesses don't have to involve money; there are untold ways to help others every single day, everywhere you go; just look around.

What a neat way to have fun and be blessed all at the same time! I look forward to seeing who all joins in the fun.

Teen driving revolutionized by Ford! (???)

My Girl has finished her driver education course, but is really balking at taking the test to get her learner's permit. It is the strangest thing I've ever seen in a kid! To give her some credit, she and The Boyfriend were T-boned a couple of months ago, which scared her pretty bad. Thank God that's all it did! In a weird way, I'm sort of glad she's in no hurry. I'm not sure I'm ready to unleash her on the motoring public just yet!

Oh, what's that? I forgot to tell you there was a Boyfriend? Ummm.. sorry... Well, there is. And he's 22. And he's one of the best things that has ever happened to her so pick your jaw up off the ground and get over the fact that I am, indeed, allowing my 17-year-old daughter date a 22-year-old college senior. You'd just have to see them together to know how good they are for each other. Besides, that's not what this post is about. Yes, I promise more details in the near future, but for now, on with why I brought up this whole driving/wrecking thing to begin with...

It seems that Ford Motor Company thinks it has come up with the solution all parents have been clamoring for since the first time the first teenager put pedal to metal. They have devised a feature that will let parents set limits for teens. AN 80 MILE AN HOUR LIMIT! Go ahead, pop over there and read the article and then come back. It is short, but fascinating! (Note: if you right-click and select "Open in a new window" you won't lose this post to go read the article. And you know who you are that needs that advice to keep you from accidentally closing the windows and having to log back in because you are afraid to have the computer remember you for fear that someone might hack your computer and hijack your passwords.)

Welcome back!

Ok, so they've got a pretty valid reason for setting the upper limit at 80. I can see where once in a while one might have to accelerate up to 80 to get out of the way of a wreck. IF ONE WAS ALREADY GOING 70+ BEFORE THE INCIDENT HAPPENED!!! And they said that "Just lopping it off at exactly 70 mph was felt to be too limiting." TOO LIMITING???? I THOUGHT THAT LIMITING THEIR SPEED WAS THE WHOLE POINT?!?!?!?! GRRRRR! As far as I'm concerned, 60 is plenty fast enough for the first six months they are on the road alone. There are plenty of surface roads to get from here to anywhere without having to ever get on a freeway.

They go on to say that they are going to make "...use of technology, and through the magic of software, we're able to build features on top of the features we already have." COOL IDEA! Love that anti-theft thing, but how about asking mothers what that new build should look like. As a matter of fact, I won't wait for them to ask. Instead, I am sending the following suggestions in an email to their Public Affairs Department.

According to the article, "In addition to speed limits, MyKey also will limit the volume of the audio system, and it will sound a six-second chime every minute if seat belts are not fastened. The chime sounds for adult drivers, too, but ends after five minutes to avoid annoying adults who adamantly don't want to wear seat belts." (aka IDIOTS)

Really?? You can do all that with a smart key? WHOA NELLY! Then how about programming that sucker to:

-- Allow PARENTS to set the max speed for their child based on when and where they will be driving using a formula of maximum SAFE speed plus 10. (With a maximum of 65 for emergencies only.)

-- Send parents a text message EVERY TIME the speedometer climbs past the maximum safe speed. Better yet, include their GPS location in the message. Might as well know where they were breaking the rules while we are at it!

-- Allow NO radio or sound system of any kind if they go over their parentally-determined speed limit. Yep, that's right -- JUST CUT IT COMPLETELY OFF!

If keys can be smart, then why not seat belts?

-- Come up with weight/size based seat belt alarms. If the weight in the seat is X then it's going to take a minimum of Y amount of belt yardage to surround it. Just buckling it and putting it behind you would trigger the shutdown of the sound system until all seat belts were properly fastened around all those chubby little tummies. And speaking of 'all those' ...

-- How about some butt alarms that count how many kids are in the car. I know here in Texas young drivers are limited on the number of passengers they are allowed to carry. Why not send mom a text message when the butt count exceeds that limit? AND CUT OUT THE RADIO until the butt count is corrected.

And if the keys, belts, and seats can be smart, why not the antennae?

-- Let's go ahead and rig the car so that cell phones don't work from inside it as long as the engine is running. And for safety's sake and Mom's peace of mind, why not add a communication system (including a phone cam!)that can only call three or four parentally programmed numbers: 911, Mom, Dad, and one alternate. How else are you gonna keep them off the phones?

So what I am proposing is what I call:

DAMAMA’S TOTAL MUSICAL SOLUTION

-- If the speed isn't immediately reduced or the infraction isn't corrected, within 30 seconds, automatically kill the car’s audio system and activate external speakers that blare nursery rhymes like I'm a Little Teapot, It's a Small World, and If you're Happy and You Know It. Or how about some Okie From Muskogee? Better yet, how about THIS. heh heh heh!! How quickly do you think that car could decelerate to 60 or under?? How fast do you think that seatbelt would click or somebody's butt would be booted out the door? Probably not nearly fast enough for the totally humiliated kid in the driver's seat! Definitely not fast enough to keep us parents from going prematurely gray.

It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road. ~Author Unknown

The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. ~Jason Love

May all of our children live to be old and slow. Like they think we are.

Questions that haunt me...

One of my really cool friends sent me this a while back. Can't remember who or exactly when because I deleted the email when I dropped it in here as a draft post. I ran across it again while trying to come up with something clever and amusing to write on my own. Ain't happenin! Hasn't happened for two blasted weeks! Sooo... Rather than not post anything I figured I'd pass on this old chestnut just in case you never thought about this stuff. Have a great day and I promise that as soon as my brain starts functioning again I will post something original.

Can you cry under water?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?


Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


What disease did cured ham actually have?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


Why are you in a movie, but you're on TV?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?


Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!


If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?