ExerWHAT???

For those of you who don't know, I've joined a great online weightloss community. It's called FAST TRACK TO FAT LOSS. And since you can't see my blog over there without being a member... and if you need to lose weight the healthy way you SHOULD be a member. I've lost 9 lbs in 2-1/2 weeks! And I'm never hungry!... I thought I'd repost todays here... It was just too funny not to share. (OK, so the lack of sugar in my system may be making me a leeeeeetle bit punchy, but whatever... you be the judge! LOL!)

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There seems to be an epidemic of epic proportions running rampant around here. Everywhere I go here in FastTrack (FT) somebody is talking about this exer-whatever thing. I seem to remember hearing something about that years ago, but it has been a LOOOONG time. I do remember that it was something we did in P.E. in grade school. Come on -- you remember those days!

"PEOPLE! QUITE DOWN AND LINE UP! You, there next to the fat kid, tie those shoes before you trip and break something. OK. Ready, JUMPING JACKS - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, come on fat kid, keep up! 8, 9, 10."

By now all the overweight, out-of-shape kids were huffing and puffing, the jock sporty types were snickering and the rest of us were wondering how to switch places with the kid next to our best friend without the coach noticing. And actually that wasn't something we really had to worry about because the coach never noticed much other than the irritating (coaches thoughts, not mine!) fat kids huffing and puffing and which jock sporty types would do best on whatever team was currently being formed.

After another three to five sets of some boring Jack Lalanne-isms we'd be released to do our own thing. Ummm... fun?? Not usually. The boys would wander off to one side of the gym and pick teams for dodge ball - fatties on one side, jocks on the other. It was a massacre! Never underestimate the strength of a fat kid with a chance to ping a ball off of some snotty jock's groin! Nuff said about that...


The girls, having exhausted themselves, would retire to the bleachers and gossip. Usually about the other girls. Loudly. Rudely. Always in cliques. Always better than the others. And then there was my group. We really didn't care what the other girls thought. We dressed how we wanted. We ate what we wanted. And there was only one exercise we were truly interested in doing well... the one that OBVIOUSLY worked WAY too well for me:

Stand straight, palms together, chest high, elbows up, and PRESS and PRESS and PRESS all the while repeating:

"WE MUST, WE MUST, WE MUST DEVELOP OUR BUST. WE MUST, WE MUST ..."

Yeah - Take a look at my BEFORE photos and you'll see why I think maybe I was a little TOO into this activity. Aaaaanyyyywaaaaayyyy....

So now here I am, 40 or so years later and every time I hear the term Exer... that's as far as my mind can get. It just shuts down... Ain't doin' it. Nope. Nuh-uh!! Yes, I went to the gym faithfully 3-5 times a week for nearly all of the past two years. I walked treadmill hills until my feet blistered, but I was talking to my friend all the while so that wasn't the E word. I pulled handles attached to varying sizes of metal rectangles until my hands blistered, but that wasn't the E word either -- at least not the way I did it! HA! We played racquetball a bunch, but ... ummm hellooooo.. PLAYED - not exer-whatevered.

One might think that with all that activity going on I wouldn't have ever needed to join FT. Again with the, "go look at my BEFORE pics" and tell me how well all that activity worked out for me. IT DIDN'T! While I will admit that I felt better and was a lot stronger, I lost no weight. I lost no inches. All I DID lose was the will to even THINK about going back to the gym.

You see, for me, the act of being that active does something HORRIBLE to my appetite. The stimulation is so much that I am RAVENOUS and all the food that I consume counters out all the work I do. So, for now I ain't gonna do anything more strenuous than:

• Parking at the back of the lot instead of in the 3F spots (Four Front Fatty spaces - seriously, have you ever really watched? The people who circle and circle waiting for one of the first four spaces nearest the door on any aisle are usually ummm... rotund?? OK, so let's just say it... we're FAT! )
• Dancing around to music while I clean the kitchen or do laundry
• Doing kegel crunches at stop lights and during commercials, or ... and this IS my favorite...
• Cracking Hubby up by immitating the skinny-armed biotches who model the propper method to .... ummm... thrill your guy??... on those Shake Weight commercials. (There are men far and wide screaming at the TV, "Hey, baby, come on over. I've got a REAL weight you can shake!!") AACK!

And no, don't anybody... ANBODY... DARE say "Well, all that stuff is exer..." I WILL come find you so I can EAT YOUR LUNCH AND MINE! And speaking of lunch...

Y'all have a GREAT Thursday, now. OK!!!
TTFN!

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OK - so that's my current ranting for the day over at FT. I sincerely hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. Ah, the memories!! I also hope you consider looking into this program. It is changing lives. Mine included.

Peace, Blessing, and E.. don't say it!!!!!... to all.

This friend is NOT welcome!

She's baaaaack... I really thought I'd found a way to get rid of her for good this time. It was hard getting her to leave in the first place, we've been such good friends for so many years. Back in the day we were virtually inseparable. Together we managed to get into more trouble!!

We'd sneak off together to the antique shops spending hours just milling around looking for that one thing that would not let us walk out of the store without it. We'd go to the movies and split a huge bag of popcorn and a coke. Some days we'd just pile up on the couch watchng old movies, eating ice cream and potatoe chips. It was she who, during one particularly slow, boring movie, introduced me to the wonder of pickle and potatoe chip "sandwiches". Chip-pickle-chip-MUNCH! MMMMM taaaastyyyy - especially when washed down with a big old, ice cold glass of coke. Fun times.

But then something in our relationship changed. I started realizing that with us having so much fun there were very few adult-type responsibility things getting done. The laundry piled up. So did the dust. And the dishes. Hubby and I'd go out to eat most every night because she and I'd been goofing all day and I just wasn't up to cooking. I did notice that I'd gained a few pounds. But, HEY, my makeup and hair looked great so it couldn't be all THAT much, right?

It wasn't until Christmas about a year ago that I really started seeing the havoc the friendship was reeking in my life. Yes, I knew I'd gained a BUNCH of weight, but I truly didn't see myself as that out of control. At least not until I dressed up in a pretty new blouse and stood in the front yard for pictures with my nephew's family... O. M. G.! Where did all of that ME come from? After sulking around for a while I sat my buddy down and had a discussion about how life was going to have to be from then on:

No more goofing off ALL day long. I had to get at least ONE positive thing accomplished every day. She didn't like it one bit at all, but I managed to separate myself from her long enough most days to make it. Some days all I could manage was dragging my over-large self to the gym for an hour of exercise. Then she and I'd sit around and whine about how harrrrd it was and get nothing else accomplished all day long.

Finally, I decided enough was enough. She had to go. There are some friendships that are just not healthy to maintain. So my long-time buddy was banished from my life. I won't say that I haven't thought about her a lot over the last several months, but I have been more productive and that has kept me from inviting her back. However, this morning when I woke up she was at the door. I tried to have coffee and then shew her on her way, but she just would NOT leave! I finally got up a few minutes ago and started working in my office, AKA the file cabinet barf center of the universe, that she got frustrated and stalked off. And all I can think is WAAA!! Cry baby! LOL! Today has proven to me that she's a drag! Seriously! So now I think I'm finally ready to say a fond but long overdue BUH-BYE!! to my old friend.

IDA WANNA

It was fun while it lasted, but it lasted too long!

OH, I almost forgot to tell you that I've found a new friend who I think's really going to be a blast. Her name?

IMA GONNA

OK, I'm outta here. Me and my new friend are gonna find the top of this desk if it kills us! If you haven't heard from me by this time tomorrow SEND IN A SEARCH PARTY!

Have a great day, y'all!

Lest I forget...some more.

We took some really neat pictures with my nephew and his family, but when I look at this one all I see is the big blue blob in the middle. I'm posting it here to solidify in my mind why I HAVE to lose weight.

Damama T, Cameron, Tyler

I did pretty well today. Until tonight. Hubby went to bed at 9:30 and I intended to just get a post up and then join him. Then I got sidetracked, and bogged down, and couldn't think of anything to post. And I drained the last of the water from my glass. And I went to the kitchen to refill it. And I saw the caramel corn my friend made me for Christmas. I don't really like the fact that it had peanuts in it, but... Just one bite of the popcorn part.... And another. And... Well, I might as well finish it off so it won't be here nagging me tomorrow. And now I'm sitting here feeling like a total failure. Why didn't I just throw it away?



Thank God for new mercies every morning. I will start again in the A.M. And I will do better.



One day at a time, right?



Peace, Blessings, and God grant me the serenity.

She may be skinny, but...

Found this at my favorite little resale hole in the wall. Love it so much I had to share.

Have a great week, y'all. I'm starting my full-on journey toward being that skinny bitch in the morning. All good wishes and positive prayers gratefully accepted.

Peace, Blessings, and Healthy eats to us all.