Wordless Wednesday - Stress Reduction Kit

*I have no idea where this came from so if you do, please let me know so I can give proper credit.

Ask Damama

Todays edition of my life's insanity has left me asking many questions. Having no answer for the perplexing questions in my mind, I thought I'd give you a chance to ask me questions to test myself and see if I have truly lost my everlovinfreakin mind or if I can actually still answer SOMEBODY'S LIFE QUERIES...

So go ahead. Ask away. ANYTHING. I'll even start you off with the answer to a recently emailed question:

KK in KC asks: Why do you have a squirrel in your header? Is it to show that you are a squirrelly old broad?

Dear KK: ROFL! Yes, honey, that's a big part of it, but it's more in honor of Hunker D. If you'll go read A Squirrel's Tale it will explain a lot. Be warned, though, the little bugger's pretty long-winded.

======================================

OK, now the rest of you - Whatcha wanna know? How to get your kids to brush their teeth? How to get your fake houseplants clean? Just ask. I may not know the real answer but I bet I can make ya laugh...

Peace, Blessings, and Dear Abby eat your heart out!

She may be skinny, but...

Found this at my favorite little resale hole in the wall. Love it so much I had to share.

Have a great week, y'all. I'm starting my full-on journey toward being that skinny bitch in the morning. All good wishes and positive prayers gratefully accepted.

Peace, Blessings, and Healthy eats to us all.

Cow Power

Wow! It looks like they finally found a way to covert all that methane gas into usable energy!

Peace, Blessings, and MOOOOOO

Need Glasses?

My great bloggy friend Margie sends me the coolest stuff! Take a look at this picture. It is a test of your powers of observation. Look closely. After you've spotted everything you think might be the target scroll down to the bottom for the answer.

OK, what'd you see?  Did you see the bare hiney on that girl in the pink shirt?

If so YOU NEED GLASSES!

Look again, silly. It's just the arm of the girl holding the camera. Now we know where your mind was!

It's always a good idea to look twice when we see something that looks offensive. You never know when what you thought you saw is actually something altogether different. Same thing applies to how you hear what people say. Before you judge, check again... you may need to clean your emotional glasses.


Peace, Blessings, and Get your mind outta the gutter!

We is friends...

Nuff said.

Proof... And a winner, too!

... that on Saturday, November 21, 2009, MY REFRIGERATOR WAS CLEAN!

And if you look VEEEEERY closely you will see that

THERE IS NO KETCHUP IN IT!!

Now for the results of The Great Ketchup Debate:

75% of the twelves of ones of people who responded are of the misguided opinion that it belongs in the fridge. I will pray for your poor abused sauces...

And the winner of the contest amongst the commenters is Brandi. Congratulations, girl. And I won't even hold it against you if you put it in the fridge. ;o)

Peace, Blessings, and PANTRY!!!

I was just thinking...

Why are laundry and bowel movements alike?

Dropping a load a day sure helps keep things cleaned out.

tee hee hee... that's what you get for making me actually DO something today!

Just feel like sharin' the love... grrrrr

Three guesses what kind of mood I'm in right now.... First two don't count!

The day started of like

About half way back from Fort Worth, I realized that something needed to be done about the S.T.U.P.I.D. drivers on the road so

Once home, a trip to the store resulted in

Maybe I'm a little tired and need some

But in the end, it all boils down to

Peace, Blessings and, Oh, what the hell....

Mario rides again!

I think I've fallen into some weird parallel timewarp universe! I'm sitting in my living room with 3 teenagers, this time 2 girls and 1 boy, laughing at them playing MARIO! Yep, the original!

The only thing that would make it more perfect would be if Bug was here to whip all their butts. That boy was one brick-bashing wizard!

Somewhere I have a video of Twig at age 3 sitting on the floor, holding down the jump button singing, "Here comes Peter Cot-ton Tail. Hop-pin dowwwwwn thuh bunny traiiiil..." If I can ever find it and figure out how to get it onto here, I'll post it for you. He was soooo cute!

Funny how one old game can evoke so many great memories. Wonderful how that same old game is now making some great new ones.


Peace, Blessings, and Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing!

The Great Ketchup Debate - Survey and Contest

Take the Ketchup Survey!

While we are on the subject of food fun, I have a question for you:  Where do you keep your ketchup? Around here it is a constant battle to keep it in its proper place: THE PANTRY.

There is absolutely nothing nastier than dipping nice hot french fries into icy ketchup rendering them nothing more than greasy, cold potato sticks. And don't even get me started on the blasphemy of putting frigid red goop on my perfectly baked meat loaf. GRRRRR

Since the girls like it cold and Hubby and I like it room temp, I started wondering what the masses here in the blogverse think.  Soooo, if you would be so kind as to participate in my little survey I would be EVER so grateful.

Look over there to the right in my sidebar under that precious little nose picker. There's a survey form. I'm going to keep it up there unitl 11/15 so send all your friends over to vote. 

Plus, leave me a comment and once the survey's done I'll draw somebody's name out of a hat and send them a bottle of ketchup.  And yes, you can keep it wherever you want

Can't wait to see who wins... not that that'll make me change MY opinion... It'll just make me laugh at yours (if you happen to pick wrong!) LOLOLOL!

OK - now go back up there and CLICKY CLICKY!!
TAKE THE KETCHUP SURVEY 

Lazy Saturday - Fun with Food

You know that you need to find a hobby when the most interesting thing you do all day is look for fun shapes in your food...

An onion reeeeng I almost didn't have the heart to eat.

A sweet little hushmousie

My pet cheetokeet.

Yes, I know I'm strange...

Peace, Blessings, and yomgoogsuf... Sorry. I was talking with food in my mouth.

What's so special about July 8, 2009?

What is so different about the 8th of July this year?

At 34 minutes and 56 seconds after 12 on the 8th of July this year, the time and date will be:

12:34:56 07/08/09

AND

At five minutes and six seconds after 4 on the 8th of July this year, the time and date will be:

04:05:06 07/08/09

That's all. Just thought it was a cool thing to share.

Until the pics work right...Have a Bidet!

I know! I know! You want the vacation post. Well I'm having trouble getting the pictures to download right. So, until I get my camera to behave, I subit the following for your viewing pleasure.

I Have A Bidet! (Had A Bad Day Parody!)




Peace, Blessings, and Clean tushies to all!

WOCKA! WOCKA!

WOOHOO! I just noticed that sometime recently I topped 10,000 visits from people who may or may not think that I'm totally insane. Heck, half the time I'm not even sure, so I went searching for a scientific process by which to determine my level of mental stability. And this is what I found.


The Muppet Personality Test

"Wocka! Wocka!"
You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up.
If only your routine didn't always bomb!
You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

	You Are Fozzie Bear

Scares the fuzz right off my backside to think how accurate this test is. Ain't scientific research providin' some amazin' modern advancements!

Peace, Blessings, Thanks for stopping by, and WOCKA! WOCKA!

Unconscious Mutterings or Can she get any stranger??

Luna Nina hosts a weekly feature called Unconscious Mutterings. I've seen it before, but have never actually jumped in. This week, I thought.. what the heck! I'm mostly unconscious half the time and my family is so accustomed to my mutterings that they just ignore me anymore. I might as well bug the blogverse with it for a change and give the folks at home a bit of a break.

So, here goes (I haven't read anyone else's so these are all straight off the top of my head!):


Luna Week 308 - Damama Week 1


Luna says ... and I think ... ?

1. Carpet :: Cleaner (Yep, Hubby got on another cleaning tear today and we had our monthly house call by the rug doctor!)



2. Bottoms :: Up! (Back in the 70s here in Houston there was a dinner theater production of a show called this. Does anyone else remember it?)



3. Music :: man (I guess I'm on a musical theme kick now!)



4. Nails :: Need fixing! (OH, Santa! How about a gift certificate for a mani/pedi? Just not to THIS place cuz I no liiike!)



5. Watch it! :: Tinkbug! (This has become a part of our regular vocabulary ever since my friend's son started saying it when he was 2. Of course it was more like, "OOO bear auchit tinkbug!")



6. Your life :: Today, peaceful. Tomorrow??



7. Candies :: GODIVA (Mine that my daughter ate almost all of! She very kindly left me the dark chocolate and white chocolate ones (not bad), but those milky chocolate melt in your mouth small bites of heaven? G.O.N.E. All gone! GRRRR!! I guess we could call it just reward for THIS. NAH!! Not even close!)



8. Chafing :: A booby issue (Don't laugh! If you have big'uns you understand. If you don't, count yourself lucky!)



9. Svelte :: Patrick Swayze - He will be the first actor over whom I will actually cry when he passes. This clip of One Last Dance is long but so beautiful! Given his recent diagnosis, it has so much more meaning than just that in the movie. I cannot watch it without crying.
   
   
   
   



10. Ding :: aling Oh quit rolling your eyes... This is not a self evaluation of my mental state - although it very well could be! Nor is it a reference to anything anatomical. I'm thinking about a Chuck Berry song, for pete sake! And if you are thinking about anything but cute little bells on a string then YOU need to be psychoanalyzed! HA!

So, did you survive your little tour of my meandering mental roads? Scary place, ain't it!

Until next time, I bid you..

Peace, Blessings, and HAPPY DINGALINGS FOR ALL!

MALE SWIMMERS - Who knew??

** Warning - this one may raise some questions you have an interesting time answering.**

Burghbaby Twittered that she needed a middle name for her new puppy today. She wanted one that starts with "J" and reflects his love of swimming. After immediately thinking of Jacques (as in Cousteau) I wondered what other famous male swimmers there might be with names beginning with J. So I entered a Yahoo search for "famous swimmers." The results looked promising:



I know that's kind of hard to read, but if you click the picture it will open the selection list for you. That very first entry says:

History, Famous Swimmers, Swimming Animals, Swimming Stars, Great Swimmers
Information on the history of swimming, famous swimmers from ocean swimmers through Olympians, and a look at a variety of swimming animals.swimming.about.com/od/swimhistoryandstars/... - Cached
Olympic Swimmers Bios and Profiles of Other Aquatic Stars

Cool! I'm thinking this is going to give me a great list of swimmers, and it did. However they were all mixed in together, male and female, and not really all swimmers. Some were polo players and coaches. I wanted just a list of famous male swimmers. Scanning the page I spotted the words "male swimmers" in the lower left-hand corner. Bingo! I'm thinking that ya gotta love About.com. They always come through! How shocked do you think I was when THIS is what they came through with??

Again, I know it's kind of hard to read so you can click the image to open the actual page. However, if you don't want to do that, for your reading convenience I've pasted the page's contents below. Who knew the words "male swimmers" were so rife with possible responses!

• About.com: Swimmers
  Swimming Offers > Male Swimmers
  Sponsored Links
  zSB(1)
  Sponsored Links
  Dirty Guy Parts?Clean Him Up With the Axe Detailer Shower Tool.www.Drugstore.com/Products
  Size in 30 days or lessIncrease size, volume and endurance in 30 days or less. 110% Guaranteedwww.ErosLaboratories.com/Results
  Older MaleFree to Join. 1000's of pictures & videos of Beautiful Senior Singleswww.SeniorPeopleMeet.com
  Casual Male Official SiteSale & Clearance on Select Big & Tall Clothing. Shop Now Online!www.CasualMale.com
  Featured on 60 MinutesCelebrity & Athlete Research View Industry Reports online NowEpollresearch.com
  Male Genital Wart PictureMale Genital Wart Picture. Pictures, Treatments, and Info.HealthUnit.org
  Gold Medal GreatsBook Gold Medalist for appearances, keynote speaking, and endorsementswww.GoldMedalGreats.com
  SwimmersEverything to do with Swimmers items.Yahoo.com
  Male Hormone ReplacementPrescribed HGH and Testosterone therapy for men over 35.AntiAgingGroup.com

Peace, Blessings, and Swimming success to all!

Questions that haunt me...

One of my really cool friends sent me this a while back. Can't remember who or exactly when because I deleted the email when I dropped it in here as a draft post. I ran across it again while trying to come up with something clever and amusing to write on my own. Ain't happenin! Hasn't happened for two blasted weeks! Sooo... Rather than not post anything I figured I'd pass on this old chestnut just in case you never thought about this stuff. Have a great day and I promise that as soon as my brain starts functioning again I will post something original.

Can you cry under water?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?


Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


What disease did cured ham actually have?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


Why are you in a movie, but you're on TV?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?


Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!


If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

And then the fight started...

Margie sent me this email... Had to share. And there was no way I was going to share the email without including one of my all time favorite Muppets videos. Grab a cup of your favorite liquid and have a giggle...


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started...

****************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started...

****************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

****************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver, who happened to be a little person, got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and, right or wrong, some things just seem funny? Well, this was one of those times. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started...

****************

He said, put another log on the fire. And then the fight started...

LOL!! Sorry guys (as in male readers), I really couldn't resist. And we do owe a huge debt of gratitude to all of your buds (not YOU, of course!) who so unwittingly give us gals such great blog fodder! Without it, none of us would be laughing right now!



TTFN!

Random fun - Memes and a really odd test...

I got this fun bit of fluff from Jules over at Just Because:



16


That would be 16 as long as none of them were trained as well as THIS KID. Then I probably couldn't handle more than two at a time. (Who am I kidding - I'd be KO'd in 2 seconds flat!)

I'd hope they didn't have THIS KID announcing in the background, because then I'd be laughing so hard I couldn't defend myself. LOL! (Can't embed the video because they have it blocked, but you HAVE HAVE HAVE HAVE to go take a peek. He is tooo cute!)

Have a great Monday! I'll be back live and in person soon. This time I plan on sharing lots of photos... I hope.