tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post2418711271538039050..comments2023-06-10T02:40:22.195-05:00Comments on Damama's at it again!: Regret vs. Guilt – Caution: Rant Storm AheadDamama Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00433392172815959276noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-35359431975201417822007-12-16T00:02:00.000-06:002007-12-16T00:02:00.000-06:00Dragonstar - Hubby and I were in the car running e...Dragonstar - Hubby and I were in the car running errands today when your comment popped into my email. It is the first time he's actually understood that this "blog thing" is important to me. <BR/><BR/>I got your note and was grinning ear to ear causing him to ask what's up and giving me the opportunity to explain more about what we do here -- that the support you and the others provide is awesome. <BR/><BR/>Bottom line is, It does ME great good for you to come here! Thank you!Damama Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433392172815959276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-28519378004395931862007-12-15T14:10:00.000-06:002007-12-15T14:10:00.000-06:00Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. ...Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. All I can do is shout <B>YESYESYESYESYES!!!!!</B><BR/>Oh, it does me so much good to visit here!Dragonstarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05935435587527038459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-27513098659869274752007-12-12T22:59:00.000-06:002007-12-12T22:59:00.000-06:00To borrow from a very old line, I LOVE LUCILLE! I...To borrow from a very old line, I LOVE LUCILLE! I love what your dad says, DON'T LET THEM RENT SPACE IN YOUR BRAIN! I think I'm gonna have to start using that one myself! <BR/><BR/>Thanks for the support, sweets. Luvs and hugz to ya!Damama Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433392172815959276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-71088700649396743752007-12-12T21:38:00.000-06:002007-12-12T21:38:00.000-06:00Grrrrr, My original post I wrote didn't go thru! A...Grrrrr, My original post I wrote didn't go thru! <BR/><BR/>AMEN to what you said sister! I agree with you 100%! I am tired of the "victims" of the world claiming no responsibility for their actions. <BR/><BR/>I did not grow up in a normal home - who did? But the things I went through made me stronger and more determined vs. wearing me down. If I was a complete product of my environment I'd be in a really really bad place right now.<BR/><BR/>You do what you can but you also can't expect things to just happen - you need to make them happen. <BR/><BR/>Dad had a wonderful saying - DON'T LET THEM RENT SPACE IN YOUR BRAIN! <BR/><BR/>SO for the negative posters - that is what I want you to do. Let them have the problem with what you said but you shouldn't have a problem with it. <BR/><BR/>You can only control you - not other people.<BR/><BR/>Hugs and good night dear friend,<BR/><BR/>MeLucillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04389051577488829610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-81193163532200068402007-12-12T13:11:00.000-06:002007-12-12T13:11:00.000-06:00Pam - Thank you! (the check is in the mail - just ...Pam - Thank you! (the check is in the mail - just a few more great comments and you'll be able to buy a cup of coffee!) <BR/><BR/>I personally totally admire the fact that you are so open and honest in your Rhett blog. There are thousands of families out there still suffering and laboring in silence because too many people just don't understand! You are helping break the stigma! Don't you dare let anybody make you stop! And if anybody else picks on you, just let me know and I'll go all kinds of cranky on their backside!!<BR/><BR/>And MEGA KUDOS to your husband! What a legacy he is leaving for his children! <BR/>==========================<BR/><BR/>Annette! You look really cute in that cheer outfit! And where did you find those matching pom-poms!! LOL!! ;o)<BR/><BR/>Please feel free to give your mom the link to my blog and my email address. I'm sure she and I have lots in common and if she doesn't cut it out, I'll go all cranky on her heiny too! LOL!! ;o) <BR/><BR/>And yes, we were separated at birth - in heaven just before the angels kissed us and sent us down separate chutes!<BR/>=======================<BR/>Margie - you never fail to make me feel good. Thanks again! XOXO... now go smooch up on that grandbaby for me!<BR/>========================<BR/>Kathy, thank you for the support. <BR/><BR/>I'm glad I didn't just delete her email... I haven't heard from her again yet, but I'm really curious to see what she says, if anything.<BR/>========================<BR/>Angela - I have trouble sometimes wallowing in the regrets, too. That's where the positive self talk comes in: I did the best I could at the time with what the tools I had in my belt. Say it over and over and over and eventually it will be easier to believe. I'm proud of you for apologizing for your mistakes. That's a hard step to take, but what an example we set for our children when we do it!<BR/>XOXO, my sweet friend!Damama Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433392172815959276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-32124550839108997262007-12-12T12:43:00.000-06:002007-12-12T12:43:00.000-06:00Thanks so much for your distinction between guilt ...Thanks so much for your distinction between guilt and regret. It helped me see that I have regrets for some of the mistakes I made while parenting my girls. <BR/><BR/>I also have guilt for some of the bad choices I made, knowing they were bad choices at the time. For example, I had some smoking friends for a while and started smoking cigarettes, and hid it from my girls. They caught me sneaking a cigarette a couple of times, and I lied about it, but eventually I quit.<BR/><BR/>I was young and silly and I apologized for my mistakes. That helps me let go of some guilt. But the regrets, though...they still haunt me. I have a lot of work and prayer to do about all of that.Angela Williams Dueahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05570848895164313428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-34816148856161605602007-12-12T11:57:00.000-06:002007-12-12T11:57:00.000-06:00Way to go! I agree wholeheartedly. I can't believe...Way to go! I agree wholeheartedly. I can't believe this woman wanted to blame her life on her parents and take no responsibility! Anyway, thank you for the comment and keep up the good work.<BR/><BR/>www.kathy-iamwhoiam.blogspot.comKathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06421713950020402708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-16621887243473399122007-12-12T11:42:00.000-06:002007-12-12T11:42:00.000-06:00One thing I've learned during life is that we all ...One thing I've learned during life is that we all have some sort of baggage, be it from our raising, relationships with loved ones, children, whatever. But for the most part, you are about as happy as you make up your mind to be. Dwelling on the past will not change it. Learn from it and go on. Worrying about it won't change it, correct what can be and go on. Just learn to let some things go. Try to continue to do the best you can with what you have. Oh, well, don't want to ramble here. <BR/>MargieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-84668730297421664002007-12-12T11:18:00.000-06:002007-12-12T11:18:00.000-06:00YEAH, YAHOO, WAAAAHOOO, (LOUD CLAPPING AND CHEERIN...YEAH, YAHOO, WAAAAHOOO, (LOUD CLAPPING AND CHEERING).<BR/><BR/>You hit it on the head. Exactly. I have been trying to teach my mother the difference between guilt and regret for a few years now. My parents raised 4 kids and 3 of us turned out okay, while the oldest still blames her parents for all her problems, failures, screw ups etc, although she is the one the have helped the most, financially and with time and attention. She has said some horrible things to them, which for some reason my mom chooses to believe and take to heart. I have been explaining to her that she is not responsible for how her kids live their lives - I messed up royally at 17, but that was all my fault and I don't blame them for it. I think mom is finally starting to get it.<BR/><BR/>It was really nice to hear someone else say the exact same things I have been saying - were we twins seperated at birth???<BR/><BR/>Annette in BCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-12771627155060498022007-12-12T11:11:00.000-06:002007-12-12T11:11:00.000-06:00Hey there, I just first want to let you know that ...Hey there, I just first want to let you know that I absoutley love your blog, and for what it's worth, although I don't know you well, I think you are an amazing person. You are so kind and caring, (not to mention hilarious), and it really shows. <BR/><BR/>I don't think any of us will ever be a "perfect" parent. Whatever that means anyways.....<BR/><BR/>But there are some wacked out people out there, and unfortunatley they lurk on the internet. One of the first comments you left on my blog was that I was going to touch many people. It really hit a warm spot in my heart as I had just been through a very stressful situation, and had many comments left on my blog, that I was disturbed, and that I was screwing up my children's lives. <BR/><BR/>My whole point of Rhett's blog is to vent my joys, as well as my frustrations of raising a child with medical needs and disabilites. <BR/><BR/>My oldest son has just had a new diagnosis, and he only is functioning socially at a 5 year old level although he is 12. When I posted about a situation that happened, and asked if anyone had been through anything similiar, you would think that I had just shoved all of my kids out the door and told them good riddance. All hell broke loose. <BR/><BR/>Through this situation I learned that things happen to make us stronger, and people can say what they want, all that matters is that you know that you have tried, or are trying your very best. Nothing more nothing less. <BR/><BR/>I started out young at having kids, only 16, and some people could say that I ruined my oldest becuase he is having problems, but I honestly belive that he came to me for a reason. God wanted him to be the way he is. It is my job to love him and try to help him succeed, and if it ends up being that he lives with me for the rest of his life, well then so be it. <BR/><BR/>My husband has dealt with severe depression, and post traumatic stress disorder since Rhett was overdosed and we almost lost him. That doesn't make him a bad father, it makes all of us stronger. <BR/><BR/>And for what it's worth, my MIL was a crappy mom. My husband raised his little brother from the time my husband was 5 years old. He was cooking and making food for him and his little brother and everything. At 6 they were left alone while his mother worked and played after work. (Single mom) <BR/><BR/>But guess what, both my husband and his litte brother turned out great becuase when they got older they made their own descisions. <BR/><BR/>We are all responsible for our own actions, our choices lie on nobody else but ourselves. <BR/><BR/>Anyways, Rhett's oxygen monitor is beeping, he is telling himself "NO" which means he is probably getting into the tree again, and the laundry is calling, but I just wanted to give you a big hug, and tell you that you are great. <BR/><BR/>((HUGS!!)) Pam and Rhett!Pamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10449171111666867354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-86676502308417510102007-12-11T23:19:00.000-06:002007-12-11T23:19:00.000-06:00We said basically the same things, but in differen...We said basically the same things, but in different ways. Did you know that people typically have to see things presented at least 3 different ways at 3 different times for it to start soaking in? You just helped get the message home. I'm praying that some of those parents out there who keep beating themselves up will hear what we are saying and start to heal. <BR/><BR/>More big hugz and mushy smoochies blowing your way!! xoxoxoDamama Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433392172815959276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-29569313666318611942007-12-11T23:13:00.000-06:002007-12-11T23:13:00.000-06:00you know in your post you said most of what I said...you know in your post you said most of what I said - but when I wrote my comments, I had only read up to the part where she is saying you are to fault for how your kids act. After I hit send and finished reading what you wrote I felt kind of silly repeating what you already wrote, LOL.<BR/><BR/>I am the same way - as far as I usually try not to let comments and such bother me, but sometimes they really hit home - and sometimes its on things I never thought would bother me, you know. It always amazes me when somethign bothers me, becuase it seems to show me something about myself that I didn't know before.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for the hugs, I really needed them today.<BR/><BR/>~JenniferJenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05050466263238656666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-36042722674358786042007-12-11T22:42:00.000-06:002007-12-11T22:42:00.000-06:00Jennifer - are you related to my Cheryl?? Sure so...Jennifer - are you related to my Cheryl?? Sure sounds like it. You are spot on with your insights!<BR/><BR/>And thanks for point out that I still have issues with people's comments bugging me... looks like I need to add yet another tool to the old belt! Big Hugs!Damama Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433392172815959276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3292921261406125884.post-70234206879648520112007-12-11T22:31:00.000-06:002007-12-11T22:31:00.000-06:00A couple of thoughts...1st - there are "perfect" p...A couple of thoughts...<BR/>1st - there are "perfect" parents out there who raised crappy kids as well as good kids. there are "crappy" parents out there who raised great kids, as well as crappy kids. point being it doesnt matter how well you raise a child, each child has their own path they have to follow. My mother raised me and two brothers. Me and my oldest brother did fine. The middle brother was in and out of rehab from a young age until he was about 18/20ish? I was to young, so I dont remember how old he was when he finally got his stuff together. But it wasnt anything my mother did, or didn't do. It was just the path he had to follow.<BR/><BR/>2nd - even if her mom was a crappy mom, at some point this woman became an age where she was able to make decisions on her own. Where she was able to say hey - I know what I am doing is wrong. Yet she continued to do her own thing, and make the wrong choices. She has to take responsibilty for herself, and her choices. That is part of being an adult. An age doesn't make you an adult. There are many 30, 40, 50 yr olds who are still children, and many 15, 16, 17 yr olds who are adults. Not quite the same thing, but my father was an extremely racist person. When I was young I heard tons and tons of hate filled crap. I could have followed along with his crap, and become a different person. Yet even at a young age I knew enough to say that isn't right. I looked at people for who they are, not what they look like. Because of that (and because my son is bi-racial) for the last 10 years of my fathers life, my father no longer spoke with me. I could have become bitter, or blamed his absense for everything that happened to me, but everything that happened to me was for a reason. I chose to suck it up and deal with it.<BR/><BR/>Don't let other people tell you how you should feel (I know you dont, but I also know that sometimes comments bother you when you dont want them to). <BR/><BR/>Ok, I have written way to much, so I will stop writing now.<BR/>~JenniferJenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05050466263238656666noreply@blogger.com